I cannot WAIT till im a adult. Then i’ll just be as far as possible from my home and my family. Now before i go on my rant, let me just say no, i dont have a physically abusive family, no are my parents divorced nor are they dead, sick or drug addicts. They just treat me like woman were treated in the 1940’s. No rights. No freedom. They were OBLIGED to stay home and work, things like that. Well that’s how I am treated. I have been occasionally depressed for a while now. (my depressive bouts usually last between hours to a week). Anyway, […]
My feelings are so jumbled right now, and i can barely get through it… i feel so guilty for going back to school, my mum just said how now we have to do so much extra now that im gone… its so unfair how im only 14 and i did over 350 hours of work over the two month holiday yet i still feel like im a terrible worker and a whiner. Its because my parents always compare me to my brothers. “oh im sad that you’re depressed, but your brother has it worse” “you have nothing to complain about, your brother has it worse” […]
I go back to school tomorrow, and im so freaked out. Im practically having panic attacks. Im just scared because i go to an all boys school yet you would think its more like an all girls school, so much bitching and stabbing in the back goes on, and i have no friends, i get called gay by everyone, and every single little action i make, including eating ice-cream makes me gay. And now that im in year 9, everyone is getting worse, now any nice people are just being impossible. I wish i wasnt so mature sometimes, it just makes life more difficult -_-‘
I feel like a criminal. I feel like i’ve done so many unspeakably horrible things. Yet i havent. Why? I believe i deserve to be tortured and shot dead, because i feel that im such a bad person that i deserve to be dead. Someone like me who is just such a freak deserves to die. I feel like i have no good. I used to think i was compassionate, but im not anymore because my family would always tell me off for it. I just finished one of my many long talks with my brother about my bad traits. This time it was about […]
Im sick of it. I have no way to let my feelings out. The shower is my sanctuary. Its the only place where im able to cry and just be one with my feelings, rather than have to hide them and be falsely cheery all the time. Now thats gone too. My brother times my showers every day, and he always tells mum and dad. Now they’re angry at me and i have nowhere to go to. Please someone… help… i have nothing that can lift me out of depression now…
The word servant means many things to me, and it also relates to how i am seen in my family. I am 14 years old, and the youngest of my family. I have two brothers who are aged 20 and 21, and mum and dad who are in their 50’s. I hate how i am treated, but i also hate myself because of that and the fact that i have no friends. People in the family treat me like they only had a 3rd child so i could be their pawn. My mum gets me to do craploads of tasks, never communicates on exactly what […]
I have two older brothers. For now we will just talk about the middle child. My middle brother is an extremely difficult person. Not only that, but mum favours him. Not only does mum favour him by fawning on him like a cute little sad child (which she doesnt do for the rest of us) she will always take his side. I believe that this was because my brother was beaten up once when he was around 6 years old, and was then depressed for a couple of years. Even after that though, he would still use his depression as leverage to get what he […]
I have problems with myself. I believe everything in the world is beautiful ba me and some humans. I hate myself, because i have no friends etc. the usual nosh. Anyway, what really makes me angry and upset is my dad. I dont get along with my Dad, he is impossible. Im on summer holidays right now, and we have a grape farm. All holidays, seeing as i have no friends to go out with, i am in charge of keeping our very large house clean as well as things like laundry cooking etc.. and i also work on the farm (i’ve done 75+ hours […]
Ever since I was little, my parents have always been different. Harder,stricter, meaner. To all outward appearances, they seem like some fairly-wealthy, friendly vignorons (grape growers). Well if they’re friendly, then they probably just dont like me. Preposterous you say? Your parents LOVE you you say?
No, they dont. Not mine at least. For years ive always been that useless, dumb child that they cant stand the look of. No matter how friendly i am, how well i achieve or how much i help them, i get more crap. Im not dumb and im not useless. But they think I am. Any thirst for knowledge […]
Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of […]
Gay. Freak. Weirdo. Im afraid to go out in public now, because i can see and hear everyone laughing at me, calling me names. Im used to this, but before i had friends. I have no friends now. My friends dont think about me anymore since i moved schools, they have new, better, cooler friends to hang out with now. But i have no friends at my new school either. Starting from my first day there, they started judging me. They decided that apparently i was ‘gay’. I have no idea where they got this from, but people just in public seem to think the […]
So for once today, i actually felt good. no suicidal thoughts, no depression, no irritability (then again i seem to have a really fast version of bipolar when it comes to moods) but then my dad decided, that like every other day, he had to annoy me. I know this isnt suicidal but it makes me very angry and even depressed on occasion, i just dont know how to handle it on top of my already difficult life at the moment. Here they are:
1. Deliberately embarrassing me infront of our extended family.
2. Saying my report is ‘crap’ even though i got 4 A’s […]
I dont deserve to live. Thats what I think, and thats what I feel everyone else should think about me. Ever since i’ve become a teenager my life has just been shit. You’ll probably say im just overreacting. You’re probably right. But i cant help it. I just hate myself so bad I can barely describe it. Im a failure at life. I had friends, then I lost them, im socially awkward, im a freak, im a coward, im pessimistic, im selfish, im useless, im dumb, im slow and im narrow-minded. I feel like Gods mistake. Aparrently God gave everyone a good trait, but not […]
Once again, i find myself feeling depressed. I thought I might list down my probles here:
Everyone I ever meet instanly calls me gay, sometimes even before I’ve said a word to them.
My parents often make out like im the worst child they could ever have, which I dont think I am.
I have no friends at my new school, and my good friends from my old school are replacing me.
So there you have it. Like I said in my first post, i really feel like im just Gods trash. I feel like an accident, a mistake. There is absolutely nothing good about […]
Once again, I talk to you about how I hate myself, in finer detail through several posts i shall write.l. Im 14, for those of you hear who arent teenagers im sure you remember (or have heard) the socially akward, the classification of people, the need to be in, the primitive yet complex popularity scale. Its all very interesting, but I feel like I really dont fit in to anything. The truth is, im just plain weird (not to mention unpopular, ugly, awkward, etc.) I really dont know how to handle myself in any given situations. Example: Tonight at youth, instead of engaging in conversation […]
So I have been feeling depressed for a while now. I wouldn’t really say its constant, my emotions are a bit of a roller coaster.see, I feel like I’m gods mistake, and that I have to put his “mistake” right by killing myself. The worst part is that I know I’m just being too much of a dramatic ******, but I can’t help it. I have recently moved schools, leaving all my best friends, and now I’m growing apart from them. Not only that, but everyone at my new school thinks I’m gay. Even my “friends” admit that they think I’m gay. My mum gave […]