I just told my friend that I tried committing suicide last year so he’d feel more comfortable sharing why he cuts. he is the first person i’ve told, other than my sister who said I did it for attention.
idk anymore
im finally a senior in high school but ill tell you its been rough. I started hating myself in 7th grade, the way I looked, thinking I was ugly and fat, my dad telling me that it was pathetic that I had a double chin this young (later telling me that he said that he told me that to motivate me to go for a run), my mom telling me to workout everyday and watch what I eat. Hearing my little sister call me fat everyday for two years. All my friends were stick skinny so that didn’t help.
Freshman year was when I started making […]
I’ve realized that the only outlet I found was drugs, and that is not the way I want to live anymore. I want to be able to be happy and content without having to do drugs to feel that way. All I feel is discomfort, sadness, fear, pain and anxiety. and in the end, nothing is better than feeling like that all the time.
last night, I told my mom, after she came into my room to me crying in my bed in the dark, that I thought about killing myself most days but I can’t go through with it because it would hurt my family too much. today she’s taking my to the doctors, so hopefully this doesn’t go to shit like last time. Every time I go see someone, like a therapist or something, I just shut off, like my brain just goes blank and I can’t tell them anything because I don’t trust anyone.
today was hard, all I could think about was how I can’t do it anymore, can’t live with all this pain and tension built up inside of me and I don’t know how to make myself feel better. my head physical hurts from crying so much. my mom thinks I just sit in my room feeling sorry for myself but really, I sit in my room debating if its worth it to live another day.