People tend to remember important things to them.
But when they begin to forget those important things.
Doesn’t it mean that those are not important anymore?
Finally they are starting to forget.
It’s fine, it’s better this way.
What are you even trying to find here? There's nothing to see.. So, why are you still here..?
I know now.
It isn’t because the darkness surrounds me.
It isn’t because it comes to me everytime.
It is because I am darkness.
I am made of it.
It is inside me.
I am a creature of darkness.
So there is no way I can get rid of it.
I will suffer for eternity.
Because that’s who I am.
I can’t escape from myself..
Yup, still here.
You wonder, how?
But you should ask, why?
Well, ’cause I am trying.
Trying for someone.
It isn’t easy.
But I am trying.
Something nice will happen.
Well, not too sure, you know, life is mean.
So I should expect that everything will go wrong.
But I am trying to be positive.
But my mind is still broken.
And it isn’t good.
I even wonder if I deserve to be happy.
After what I did.
Not sure if I really deserve something.
I am sorry.
I am sorry that I am a burden.
I am sorry for all the problems I cause.
I am sorry for not being what everyone thinks I am.
I am sorry that I can’t be happy.
I am sorry for everything I did.
I am sorry for everyone that I hurted.
I am sorry for everyone that I will hurt.
And I am sorry that I will not be present when you‘ll need me.
I don’t know.
Maybe just to suffer more.
This is so frustrating.
If I tell them that it’s okey if they go.
They‘ll just go.
It would not be right to let them stay if they want to go.
But am I really okey?
No, it’s painful, but I can’t blame anyone.
It’s the right thing to do.
It’s better this way.
I hope that they will never look back.
Maybe they‘ll leave me behind.
It would be really painful.
But then I will be free.
I could finally just go.
And if they are reading this.
Are you slowly leaving me behind?
If yes, thank you.
If no, well, I’ll just wait.
Like always, life just gives you false hope.
it makes you believe, that it will get better.
That everything will be okey.
Just to make you stay alive, even for one more day.
So you can just suffer more when reality hits you.
Then, the illusion of a false hope will fade.
Then reality will kill you inside.
Now I know, I know that I can’t trust hope.
It is just to make sure you stay alive so you can suffer more.
I will not fall for it again.
I am TIRED of falling for it.
I am TIRED of everything.
Nothing will get better.
Nothing will change.
The only thing that will change.
Is my existence.
Life sometimes can be really cruel.
It just waits, waits for you to go deeper and deeper in the abyss.
Then, when you are at the bottom of it.
Life offers you an opportunity to go back.
But you can’t really seem to understand if it is really an opportunity or just an illusion.
I am waiting.
Waiting to see what it really is.
Waiting for it to save me or devour me.
I think that the monsters are coming.
I feel them, they are getting closer.
Tonight, they will be here.
And I will be waiting.
I was waiting for them for a very long time.
The time has come.
And I fear that I will not be able to see that person..
But to the other side, I feel relieved, I will not harm anyone, anymore.
Everything is so loud.
All I want, is some peace.
I want to stay somewhere quiet, sleeping, maybe to never wake up.
But I can’t, I can’t sleep, and I can’t stay somewhere quiet.
They would not want me to.
They are the loved ones.
But those loved ones, won’t let me meet someone I love.
‘Cause they are scared.
They fear the unknown.
But I fear the monsters that are coming for me, they will eat me up, and I will not be able to fight them..
They don’t know, and they cannot know.
But someone knows..
All I want is to meet this someone..
Before the monsters come..
All I want is to fly.
Wouldn’t it be nice? Just to be able to fly away?
Escaping all the problems of life and finally be free.
Maybe like a dragon, dragons are awesome.
I want to be just like a dragon, do you know why?
‘Cause they do not exist.
One day I was almost able to fly, I decided to send a message with a goodbye, the goodbye should have been almost invisible.
But it wasn’t, the person I sent the message to, was able to read the invisible message, and told me that I cannot fly, because if I flied away, then they couldn’t live anymore, they needed me.
So I decided to wait, I don’t want to make that person sad, I’d hate that, and I will be here until they need me, when I am not needed anymore, I decided that it will be my time to fly.
But it is strange isn’t it? Sometimes I wish that I could fly, sometimes I don’t.
I think that my head is broken.
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