I’m sorry to trouble you with my problems. I’m sorry for having you deal with anything related to my issues. I’m sorry for putting any of this on you. There are turns and every other turn is suicide or self harm. Every other turn is some kind of way out. I don’t know which turn to take, but I know I will take a turn. So I’m sorry if I take the wrong turn since I’m bad at directions.
I’m sorry I’m ugly
I’m sorry I’m useless
I’m sorry that I’m not smarter
I’m sorry that I’m not more athletic
I’m sorry for being so annoying
I’m sorry for being a piece of shit
I’m sorry that I’m not better at my job
I’m sorry that I’m fat
I’m sorry that I can’t cook better meals
I’m sorry that weak
I’m sorry that I’m emotional
I’m sorry that I’m so pathetic
I’m sorry to anyone that has to deal with me
I’m sorry that I exist
I’m merely lost and confused. I’m torn between sticking with the person I am now or going back to the person I was before. If I go back to who I was before, I wouldn’t care anymore. I wouldn’t be hurt and life would be easier. There was no concept of if a life mattered before, it was just me and my brother that mattered. There were no friends, no relationships, no anything. It was silence, cold, welcoming, silence.
The person I am now cares too much, sheds too many tears. I’m insecure and don’t want to trust anyone. The people I do try and trust end up doing things that ruin what little trust there is. I feel like I’m losing my mind and overthinking everything, but at the same time feel like every thought had reason behind it. I don’t know if I’ll go back to who I was before or stay the same. Just wanted to ramble and get a little pain off the chest.