I always wondering what makes people to kill themselves? What are the signs… cuz I think I have those signs I’m kinda scared. Is it normal to be obsessed with death?
I listen to death songs, I like watching a movie that involves a suicide. Recently I saw boy interupted a story about a boy who commited suicide by jumping out a window. Everyday I think about death, I dont sleep well, I dont eat well, whenever I eat I feel like throwing up. When I cut myself or try I dont feel anything , especially with an elastic I dont feel anything . I always dream about my funeral and I dont know why. Some people are always seem to worry about me . At work a girl told me I look depress of life , I dont know why she said that. It feels like she knows how I feel. I didnt tell her anything she just keeps telling me I seem depress. Why is that? Why do people tell me that? . I dont tell them . What is wrong with me ? Why do I think about suicide so much. I’m kinda sick of it but I keep thinking about it everyday .
My first suicide attempt was in 2001 I tried over dose didnt work. I was sent to the hospital because when I was at school they found out about my pills. Ive been bullied through my high school years and lost a lot of friends , but now I dont go to that school anymore and this year 2010 i lost my best friend she doesnt wanna talk to me anymore for no reason . She was big part of my life . We dont talk to eachother anymore. I feel no one wants to be around me, including my family , I feel isolated a lot, at work I dont have any friends , people i went to school with dont talk to me anymore or dont wanna keep in touch even if i try really hard to ask if they wanna keep in touch with me I fail. Everytime I make friends I always lose them. I fight a lot with my mom and she yells at me a lot for no reasons sometimes she just likes to yell. I dont want to commit suicide but It feels my life isnt getting better or wont be better . At my new school people were happy i left cuz I quit school and took a break. I dont go outÂ I dont get invited to places . I went to the doctors not long ago with my mom he told me inside of me half of me is empty and he says im a depress person and sad a lot. My mom thought I was bipolar but im not. My sister is far away from me. My dog always comes and looks at me so I can take him in my arms he does that when im sad. I quit my projects. I have the worst job ever. I dont know what to think anymore. I hate myself and my life. My couzin always worry about me . She knows im sad. I dont wanna commit suicide . I just want this feeling to go away whatever it is i dont understand it.