I’m so tired. So tired of staying strong and taking life one day at a time. It’s a constant battle every waking moment. I don’t even necessarily feel suicidal. But I’m so fucking exhausted death sounds like a sweet relief. No more battling my emotions and trying to better my mental health. No more “little wins”. I just need to rest. Can life just give me a break for once?
I’m in love with someone I probably shouldn’t be. Idk if it’s the loneliness making me feel this way or if the feelings are genuine. She is every thing I wish for in a partner yet I can’t help but think I’m just lonely. Would I still feel like this if I had someone to spend some time with? It’s crazy that she’s shown signs of intimacy towards me before. I think I missed my chance. She’s with someone else now and it’s apparently serious. Do I forget about it and move on and be patient I’ll find someone? What would you do?
There’s that common saying many of us have probably heard once or twice. “Good things happen to good people”. I believe it’s true but sometimes it takes so long you start to doubt it will ever come around. The energy you put out is supposed to come back in. But when?
Patience is hard to keep when you feel like your kindness and wholeheartedness continues to go unappreciated. It’s tough being a nice person. It’s tough learning how to identify people who are no good for you when you have no malice in your heart and you just automatically give people the benefit of the doubt.
It’s not easy to see when someone is playing games with you and just leading you on cause in your heart of hearts you believe they aren’t capable of playing with your emotions. You think you’ve shown them that you’re a good person and they aren’t gonna do wrong by you. Even if the last person who acted similarly did fuck you over, you say to yourself that not everyone is the same and this one could be different.
Sometimes I wish I could just be an asshole for a day, but I know my conscience won’t leave me in peace. I’ll constantly be worried about how I may have negatively affected someone. Kindheartedness can be a burden sometimes. I think of other people’s feelings before I think of my own. I could be down to my last dollar but if a friend needs help I’ll spend it on them even if it means I won’t eat that day. “It could be worse” is the excuse.
How do you find a balance between being nice and not? Can someone change or are we destined to carry this burden forever? It makes me want to give up. Life is too hard when you’re like this.
I’ve been listening to a lot of “Doom Metal” lately. Bands like Bell Witch, Tyranny, My Shameful, Mournful Congregation, Shining, Who Dies In Siberian Slush, The Howling Void, and others, and I’ve come to find a kind of beauty in the darkness of it all. The deep gutturals, the heavy bass riffs, the long drawn-out notes, and slow drums tap into the sadness within me. I’ve been feeling connected to the sorrow and have grown to enjoy this pain in a way I never thought I would. It’s having some kind of sick paradoxical effect where I want to drown and let the despair consume me but I don’t want to die so this feeling won’t end. Is this some sort of emotional masochism? How did this deep emotional pain become pleasurable? I might sound crazy but this is a feeling I haven’t felt before. Someone please tell me I’m not alone in this.
It’s interesting how much human sorrow derives just from not having someone to love. Love, such a small word yet so powerful. It changes who we are from the core to the surface. Love is the trigger for every human emotion you can think of; happiness, sadness, rage, confusion. Love can make you feel all those things.
Reading through these stories I notice almost all of them have a common denominator; love. A good percentage of the people here just want someone to love that loves them back. Goes without saying, a little love can save a life. Humans, such simple creatures after all. Much love to you all.
Have you ever just felt unappreciated? You go above and beyond for everyone and some way some how you’re always lacking something. Nothing you do is good enough, who you are isn’t good enough. It gets lonely at that point and all you want is someone who sees how rare you really are and appreciates it and holds on to you as long as they can because they know for a fact another like you won’t come along.
You begin to feel stuck and don’t know what else to do with yourself. It weighs in heavier and heavier, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness, and the loneliness. You feel you can take a little more but eventually you’ll hit a tipping point and want to end it all.
It’s a pain nobody but you can really understand.
Your heart becomes heavy, your mind going at 50,000 RPM. You just want it to stop. Please just stop.