I’m too broke to afford a gun so here I am. I’ve lost my well paying job working on the pipeline and there’s no work to be had in my field, my girlfriend has left me because I can’t take care of her with no job I’ve lost my house my car is next down the line every 4-8 years I get a glimmer of hope that I’ll have a well paying job again and it’s unceremoniously ripped from underneath me by some politician that got rich in office over 30 years. There, that should give you the ammo you need. I’m calling on the libtards to help me muster up the strength to kill myself in a painful way since I don’t have funds to buy a gun.
it’s been a while… Which is a good thing but here I am again… 7 months ago I joined the navy. I was happy for a change because I got away from my shitty situation but now I’m at my first duty station… I do a good job and I work hard and know what I’m doing but the people I work with are putting me right back where I was before, and now I feel trapped…because I am. I have 3 years left on my contract and every day I get closer and closer to going to buy that gun to end it all. This organization has taken everything from me. I was going to get married in a couple months to a beautiful woman who made me happy. But the distance was too much and now she won’t be joining me. I don’t know what to do I want to get out of this funk that I’m in but I don’t know how.
its been a while since I’ve posted on SP mainly because I’ve been pretty happy lately. About 2 months ago I had a big fight with my mom and I told her to shove it and that I would rather live in my car than live with her so that’s what I did. Yeah I had the balls to do it so I did I slept in my car for 2 weeks and I was extremely bored but happier than I was at home and then I told my ex girlfriend and her parents took me in because they always liked me only one was okay with it at first but the other became okay with it once she saw how appreciative I was and how much I helped around the house my ex goes to JMU so she came back to Maryland for the weekend and we had a good time together and we ended up sleeping together again. And I decided I didn’t want to be a freeloader for too long so I started enlistment for the navy and Mary and Michelle my ex’s parents ( yes they are lesbians ) have been very supportive and caring… They buy me food and give me company and care about me I even caught Michelle calling me her navy man to her mom on the phone and they reassured me that I got a raw deal with my mom because she was an awful unsupportive parent with the coercing me to leave high school to get a GED which set forth a chain of events that brought me to a point where I have no good options at 19 years old. They Fucking hate her and so do I. I have a new family and that family is helping me get set in the navy so i no longer identify with her family I might just change my past name to theirs… Anything so my mom can’t find me
Just an update my car is uncomfortable it does not have good lumbar support lol I’m sleeping in a Parking garage I’m hungry my neck hurts I have no money and I have a continuous headache I took a shower at my gym because I have not yet lost my membership I spend my day going to different subways until they kick me the fuck out so I can use the wifi to look for shit jobs because my data is very low. I’m bored all day and I actually have found creative ways to keep up with my hygiene. I use a water bottle to pour water in my toothbrush so I can brush and lucky for me I have a nice trimmer I use to keep myself from looking like a hobo so yeah life is good I might sleep with my rifle in my mouth tonight with hopes that I wake up in a shock and accidentally pull the trigger. Who knows what I’ll do
Been a while since I posted here… I bought a gun I put it in my mouth and I wanted to pull the trigger but I couldn’t. Anyway at that point I started to see the lighter side of things and now I’m back to the dark and I’ve hit deep space black hole dark. I got a loan for 2500 a month and a half ago and my intention was to go see a woman in Canada that I used to mess around with… You know because we both still have feelings for each other. Well I blew that money at a strip club. Moving on I have 5 credit cards… All maxed out and now I have creditors calling me out the ass trying to get their money I’m currently unemployed I realize it was stupid as shit to get so much debt but whatever I think I’ve exceeded the level of despair that I needed to follow through with it this time because I’m also sleeping in my car due to the fact that my mom kicked her unemployed 19 year old son out of the house… The *****.well anyway just wanted to tell you guys that round two is among us now
of all the things that could happen this was a $200 mistake I got played… I was supposed to be dead right now but I fell asleep early…ugh so I decided why not go out with a bang so I look for a pretty young thing online because, why not I find a girl I like I proposition her and I come up give her the money she said she needed to go pay her landlord because she’s past due she seemed like a nice girl so I trusted her to come back and a little while later she texted me and told me to go to the address I met her at and long story short I got no sex so now I’m upset
i know that i said that i would wait but i found the key to the trigger lock taped to the inside of the box so tonight is the night I’m going to go get some burger king and a pack of cigs a few beers and finish the job goodbye everyone. ill let y’all know if i puss out at 10:00 tomorrow morning but don’t count on it.
i feel awful when I’m alone i feel like no one loves me or wants to be around me. which is probably true, i mean people just don’t like me. idk why I’m always nice maybe ill tell some bad jokes that aren’t funny sometimes but the good jokes come a lot more often than the bad. Maybe I’m not the coolest guy ever but people love me when we’re drunk i guess because its easy when neither of you can follow in conversation and just say whatever pops into our heads. but i guess my deep seeded hatred of myself comes from my inability to be happy without a woman in my life. That feeling when you have someone to be there for you and love you is the best feeling in the world and when its gone it feels like I’m going through opiate withdrawal my head feels like its going to explode. All i can think about is getting another hit however i can so that i can kill the pain, my only problem is that all of my dealers got arrested( this is part of the simile i’m not a drug addict ) and not I’m alone my head hurts and i have no one to fall back on… this is rock bottom for me
i was supposed to be dead by now but the ATF system was down so i couldn’t buy a gun then i went the next day and it was up again and i bought the gun but they didn’t have .22 bullets so i went to another store and it turns out that there is a shortage of .22 bullets in the us right now i call 10 different stores and finally find a dicks that has some in stock and i go and get them. a couple hours later i prepare for my beautiful death and take out the bullets and line them up ever so neatly and i pick 2 out of the lineup because with my luck ill get a dud and I’ll be out because i plan on shooting a bunch of beer bottles that ill drink to calm my nerves. and I’m all ready to drive to the creek where i used to go when i had friends. i inspect my firearm like a true marksman would, and there it is a friggin trigger guard… bass pro shop didnt take it off before i left the store so i guess with all of the bullshit i encountered getting this plan together ill wait 1 week and if it things don’t get better or things get worse ill be ready… ill be at bass pro shop tomorrow to get that trigger guard off and i will have that glorious painless death I’ve wanted for the past year.
I hate myself I can’t take being alone it’s sad…really! I work out but I can’t get abs I’m nice to people but they treat me like shit I treat the women I’m with like gold but they treat me like dirt I can’t talk to women I buy affection from strippers in the form of $30 topless dances. I have bad social anxiety I say stupid shit that’s meant to be funny and when nobody laughs I double down and run my mouth… I’m a republican which because I’m black seems to make me a dirty sellout people tell me they want to punch me in the face because they don’t like the way it looks this is me motherfuckers. INSERT CRITICISM HERE
I left high school because I was having social issues then I decided to go to Lincoln tech so I could get a good job and not be a looser and I end up getting a 3.0 at the cost of having two guys try to fight me and another pouring a soda over my head I start a job… Hate it conditions are terrible switch fields get lied to on a daily basis about advancement opportunities that don’t exist I meet a beautiful stripper by the name of Mandy real name Tiffany we texted a lot and I felt she may have been playing me so I would keep coming back… I was wrong and now she won’t talk to me anymore I started a new job last week and I’m thriving and my boss said I’m paving a way to becoming a sales manager with my own team yet even with that on the table I’m still so unhappy because I don’t have anything in my life I go to work I come home turn on Apple TV and watch Netflix until 3 am I get up at 9 and get ready for work at noon cursing my life as I go to people’s houses and knock on their door and try to convince them to get a roofing estimate and I’m good I like doing it but that doesn’t make me unhappy… I could pay my dues and become a senior sales representative and make $600,000 a year 2 years from now and that would make me happy because I could just have some beautiful woman pretend to love me and I can feel good about myself until she realizes that I won’t wife her golddigging ass and move on to a new girl I could very well be retired at age 48 at that rate never having to worry about money ever again but I’m not sure if I can make it to that point. There that’s my story. I know you want to say noooo happiness is right around the corner you’ll see well I haven’t met her and I damn sure am not making 600,000 a year right now so it’s more like happiness is 730 1/2 days away… Not sure if I can make it that long 🙁 I hope some woman comes into my life and makes me happy so that I can make it there
today was supposed to be my death day i was jittery and scared but i knew that something would happen to push me to where i needed to be to go through with it… and i was right! something happens every day that reminds me why i want to die. So i got my gun from bass pro shop and then i figure out they don’t have the ammo for the gun so i drive to a dicks and they don’t have it either so i go to another dicks and i finally find the right caliper bullets and i get home and i start to get to know my weapon like any good marksman would. And i open the case and what do i see you ask? a fucking trigger guard. They forgot to take it off before i left the store. so now i see that i have to wait a day or two at least. but when that day comes, it will be glorious.
Girls don’t like me I’m average looking maybe better than average to some girls. They don’t like me. Guys don’t want to be friends with me girls don’t want to be friends with me people don’t want to hang out with me because I’m not cool enough for them. That being said I’m a nice guy I give money to people I buy ************’s coffee at Starbucks I give money to hobos I treat people with respect I’m companionate why isn’t that enough?
I’ve been suicidal for over a year now… I hate myself I just want to disappear not many people would mourn me… Just my family I don’t have a wife or kids. That’s kind of the problem I have no one to love my lease prevents me from getting a dog so that companionship is out. I live with my mom because I’m 19 and I don’t get paid enough yet to move out I dislike her with a passion… What a *****, I’m adopted so don’t do that whole she birthed you bullshit I can’t stand the *****… I had a girl in my life for almost a year and I loved her but I broke up with her because I self sabotage now she hates me and I hate myself I can’t hold a job I don’t have many friends, I’m nice to people but they don’t reciprocate this is basically my life could you find any positive. I want to die. I’ve tried before I took a whole bottle of asprin… Shows you how much I know about dying but I’ll tell you this much… I felt no remorse, I was so happy when I thought my pain would finally end, lucky for me I know a foolproof way. A shotgun and some buckshot will do. It’s a good thing I’m of legal age to buy non-concealable weapons huh now I sit and I wait to get the money I need to get the job done. Then I can finally be happy
In what world do you feel what I feel? NONE. I feel pain in my subconscious at a cellular level this feeling does not leave me I carry it around all day all week all month and all year. You have no right to tell me I have something to live for what the fuck do you know you don’t know what I deal with… How I feel. I’m broken I tried putting myself back together but it took superglue and it’s barely together and it looks like shit because that’s what I feel like… Shit I’m a good person I give money to hobos I help people I volunteer I give blood but that’s not enough apparently for people to show me love back I give but never get anything back carma is bullshit. All I ever wanted was to find love I’ve tried and failed too many times. My heart has been smashed too many times… its dust, you can’t put that back together now can you? So what’s the solution you find temporary companionship with a streetwalker and load the revolver don’t you dare try to tell me it’ll get better IT WONT
I started to talk to this girl that I met at the strip club. She’s a stripper and we understand each other because we have had similar situations. Been through the same stuff I know her real name and I have her real number and I know things about her and her life that people don’t just give out. But because of her profession which by the way I respect, given her circumstances she has a kid and all and you gotta do what you gotta do well anyway her profession makes me feel like she could be playing me but I recently figured out she wasn’t playing me because she kept trying to get me to come through to see her because it was a slow night and everything I told her I was low on cash since I just started a new job and I won’t get paid for 2 weeks and she asked again and I told her that I was really was hoping I was wrong and I accused her of playing me but I was wrong and now she won’t talk to me and she was so perfect… Pretty smart funny fun to hang out with great body perfect smile and I lost her and now I am completely suicidal just like I was the weeks before I met her I just want to die so bad I’ve had a bad year of getting my heart broken time and time again I can’t take another one you know? I fell in love with this girl and I screwed it up like I did with so many others. FUCK MAN! Why can’t God just let me be happy
Tonight is the night I’m going round two I’m going to do it again but I didn’t do it right. Let’s be clear right now I did try and fail but I feel no remorse I was happy and content thinking I would wake up in heaven but instead I woke up in purgatory or the earth as some call it. I need to know what over the counter Meds I can take to end it right