6 Years ago, I found this website, while i was in my lowest ebb, and decided to post in here. I thought that when it was over, it would be over, however, it kept coming back. These horrific depressive episodes keep coming back. Right now, I am in my final year of uni, my life is a complete mess, I have undiagnosed ocd (magical/ superstitious thinking) I feel that every horrible feeling I had before is coming back because I didn’t do something correctly. My relationships are a mess, I fall under fearful avoidant, I jump from hot or cold, I get perpetually heartbroken, and always end up breaking hearts in a perpetual cycle of misery and suffering. I can’t handle being alone, and now that I actually am alone I can’t handle it. My obsessive compulsions are taking over my life. I am too heartbroken to function normally, and this is not the first time it has happened. I am too distracted to finish my dissertation . I may not finish it in the end. I have body image issues as well , I avoid eating as much as I can , it makes me extremely anxious. I am unable to enjoy food in any way. I recently went nofap( no porn or masturbation) in an attempt to try to heal myself , but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I am so alone, I can’t tell anyone , and I know it’s going to get worse. I tried, I really tried, but I keep getting lost in my own mind. I know I have undiagnosed depression, it keeps coming back , and it will not stop till it consumes me. I don’t need or want advice, I just want someone to talk to. I am too afraid to kill myself, but I don’t want to continue on anymore, I don’t know what will help, I don’t know how long more of this I can continue. I am suffering.