Nobody wants to stick around me for very long and no it’s not because I’m the smelly person or something physical like that. I honestly don’t understand why everyone wants to exit my life so bad? I don’t mean death either. I mean they choose to leave me and never speak to me again. For what reason though? I think I’ve honestly lost more friends in the short life I’ve already lived than someone whose in their 60s or 70s. I also can’t even get a boyfriend who loves me. The first beat me because everything I did was wrong and maybe that’s what it […]
iwantmore
You cheated on me. I think that’s when it all started but maybe I’m wrong and it was sooner than that. I know though when I found those pictures on your phone and the messages between that everything inside me shut down and that I’ve never once in my life felt that lifeless before. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to live anymore. I know I sound like some dumb girl making it sound like you’re my reason to live but that’s not entire why I felt that way. I felt like everything that was good in the world was now not […]
?I seem fine when you look at me don’t I? I usually do. I smile and will joke with you all day. I’ll do my job and even exceed at it until it’s time to clock out. then I get in my car and drive myself home where even there I pretend. I pretend to be happy and like everything is good. I’ll complain about stupid things that happened in my work day and continue to put a good show on for everyone around me. Then I even goto bed and have to hold back my tears and brokenness so I don’t keep anyone awake. […]
Maybe I can’t handle the little struggles I go through everyday anymore. Maybe I feel like I’m drowning more days than not. I thought I knew how to swim but right now it just feels like something has me by the leg and is pulling so far into the water that it’s not physically possible for me to make it to the surface before my lungs completely fill with water. I want to die though. Not like this though. I thought I’d be able to do it myself at my own hand but apparently life wants to do it for me. I guess that’s fine […]
More than anything I wish I could love you. I want to make you happy and give you the world. But unfortunately I don’t even know where to begin and I don’t think it’s possible because I don’t even love myself.
I can’t tell you why recently everything inside me has seemed to die because if I could surely I’d have done everything I could to bring it back to life. I can’t tell you why inside my head instead of bright colorful ideas and images I see dull lifeless nothings most of the time because if I could I’d color over all of the darkness and push out the dullness. I can’t tell you why I want to spend all of my time wrapped up in my bed crying. Because if i could surely I would find a way to want to be doing something […]