Up till now, i have always tried to change my life.
I have tried to be consistent, in everything but failed..in everything.
Everything i try from losing weight to even brushing my teeth ends up not being done, and im sick of it, im sick of it all, life is a god damn chore that i don’t want to join, its sucks,i have no one else that understands me, no one, all i have are idiots around me, my family and friends will never understand me and how painful it is thinking this way, getting up to wash your face feels like climbing a mountain.
I will never have anyone to share my life with, which is the main reason i decided to give up.If i had someone who can push me when i won’t push myself then i would continue on doing my best, but i have no one left.
For the people who understand how one gets to this point, you must know how it feels like, just waiting for someone to grab you by the hand and drag you up with them, you getting married to that person, happily ever after bla bla bla.
But that never happens,i will die alone and miserably, and yet i don’t want to change, im too scared to change , im too scared to do anything about it, so why not die now? Alone i can achieve nothing , i will achieve nothing.
In the past 4 years, i have lost everything, and people around me have shunned me 1 by 1, which proves how hateful and unrelenting society is.
I’m still waiting for someone to come pull me up, someone who truly understands what it means to be at the bottom, dont misunderstand me, this is not a plea for help, this is a post that might stay here forever hopefully, a part of me that won’t dissapear.
I want success, i want love, i want friendship, but i will never have it, so fuck it, move on to the next whatever.
I don’t believe in god so what awaits me next is my non-existence.
Fuk, i cant even type properly because of how depressed i am right now,people are judgmental, will always be judgmental and continue to hate me, and i hate them, i hate you all.
There is no way other way.
There is always winners in life..the same as there are always losers in life, and that’s me..bad luck? My fault?
I don’t care, goodbye….