I’ve been fantasizing about my suicide for years. Up until today I just felt a lot of relief and peace from the thought. Now for the first time i feel a little panic and fear about dying. I feel like im hanging from a breaking thread hanging over a cliff it’s been “fun” till Â now well maybe not fun exhilarating maybe like driving too fast. Now my inevitable suicide is close. I wish things had been different. I don’t want to die…suicide is the last resort. This fast drive has been “fun” till now. It’s finally set in just how Â fast the brick wall is coming up and I have no breaks. Â it’s kinda like OH! yeah shit…..