Today i realized i don’t belong here. This world is fucked up and so are we. This society, it has sooo manyy things that are wrong with it. I mean, you know, i don’t have to tell you that, but still. I tried to resocialize so many times, and i tried so much with the “pretend to smile untill you are really happy”, but the only thing it had done for me, is creating a bigger void in me. I just can’t stand the numbness and the sadness anymore, i can’t. I want to end it all, but i’m a ***** and i can’t do […]
justhope
so lately i’ve been thinking a lot. more than the usual and i figured nothing. i feel like my head is a mess surrounded with lots of fog. i feel alone, i have 4 friends, which 2 of them live 100km away (i go to school in another city and during weekends and holidays i have to come back home because the dorm is closed), one is on vacation right now and the fourth has a boyfriends and it’s with him, constantly.
i want to go out, have fun, enjoy life but i can’t. i feel so miserable and not just because i have no […]
every night i go to sleep feeling ugly, and a stupid dumb fuck. i can’t cry and that’s pretty much fucked up because i can’t let it go out, i can’t express my feelings, because i don’t know how to… and every time i decide i want to speak up i just can’t, it just doesn’t seem that important. and i’m sick of everybody’s problems and trying to fix them. who’s fixing me and my problems? no one.
and in my head is everything just so fucked up. i just can’t anymore… and then there are the songs that i listen that somehow express what […]
today i want to write about love. what do you think about when you hear the word love? do you think of your parents? domestic animals? your partner?
when i hear the word love, i think about the feeling that grows in me, the feeling that everything is possible and that the world is great. i adored that feeling. adorED.
these days, i started to not give a fuck about love or this feeling. i don’t even long for that anymore. i must mention that i’ve been in love before, but sadly it was only one-way feeling, and yes i’m 17. you’ll think, well she’s […]
back again. and i wasn’t gone for long. i just realized and somehow accepted the fact that i just wanna die. i mean it’s like i’m not empty anymore, but i feel just the sadness. and it just took one thing to switch my feels. i don’t wanna fight anymore i just want to go… and i’m scared that these feelings aren’t real that i’m just faking it. i mean they feel real, but i’m scared that society will be like umm she’s faking it she just wants attention… i’m tired of it all. i want to sleep but can’t, i want to love myself […]
There is a swelling storm
And I’m caught up in the middle of it all
And it takes control
Of the person that I thought I was
The boy I used to know
But there, is a light
In the dark, and I feel its warmth
In my hands, and my heart
Why can’t I hold on?
It comes and goes in waves
It always does, it always does
We watch as our young hearts fade
…
A feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through, my fingers
I’m trying hard to let go
It comes and goes in waves
this couple of lines […]
i’m not happy, i’m not myself. i don’t even know who am i. i don’t feel anything or want anything; anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy… anything. it’s just like i’m empty, and i’ve come to this point that i don’t even care what happens with me. i don’t even long for feelings, i don’t even want to die. i’m literally dead inside. i don’t know what to do… i don’t know how to open up to people cause i don’t want them to worry about me… and i have bad experience with people’s reactions, i mean that they don’t take it seriously (a few of my […]
i had a fight with my mom today. i think we fought because i wanted new shorts and she said 20 bucks is too much for shorts, but then she talked to some friends about buying gin and she was like: oh, 45 bucks for a bottle of gin is really little…
so we fought in the car on our way back home, and my arguments were like really shitty and had no connections to the actual situation, but actually, i was trying to tell her that i want to spend some time with her and that my thoughts aren’t that great and positive… i was […]
i’m scared that i won’t ever be able to feel real feelings again. i feel like everything’s just a pretend. i feel like a shell… i mean some feelings are present, but they come and go in waves and it’s real torture… I really don’t know what to do, i long for real love, for a true love, and i know that it’ll come unexpected and other shit like that but i just can’t wait anymore… i’m finishing my second year in high school and i still don’t have a boyfriend, and i’m not even ugly, or stupid or like shallow… i mean, i think […]
probably not going to post this, but writing helps I guess… I’m feeling that kind of sadness again… as the one, I felt when I was depressed… I can’t even cry, as much as I try or want to cry, to pour it all out, I just can’t and it’s killing me.
I can’t and don’t know how to express my feelings to my closest friends and it’s killing me. i just don’t feel like i have control over my life. i’ve been trying for more than a month affirmative sentences and i’ve read a lot of books of self-improvement and stuff like this, and at […]
Today was a rough day. We have holidays, so my brother, my mother and I are home. My dad works. In the morning our cousin came over and we decided to play Activity. My brother can be dumb sometimes, and we made fun of him, but not in a mean way, he was laughing with us. So it was my turn to guess, and I didn’t get the answer right so he went behind my back while saying: “Who’s dumb now?” or something like that, he probably meant all this in a joke, but when he got behind my back he started fake struggling me, but […]
We all have that one “friend” from elementary school, that was ruining every friendship she/he could. In my case, that was my cousin (not my real cousin, but from distance). When this was happening to me, I had a brilliant best friend. We were unstoppable together. Until the “friend” came in between.
She was hanging out with my friend more and more and ignoring me. During lunch breaks, she was always hanging out with my friend and talking bad about me. I sincerely don’t know why. And my friend actually didn’t mind it/noticed it until I told her.
She didn’t believe me. And this is where the unstoppable duo […]
I love reading books and to watch movies. All I read and watch are fantasy, action, and sci-fi movies, books. So, I don’t get a lot of romance. But here’s the problem. I’m desperate for romance and love. You already know I’m 15, but still, I need male attention.
Everywhere I go, I hope I’m going to meet someone special. Someone suited, made just for me. And every time I get sad and angry because this doesn’t happen. Just the opposite; there’s not even one cute guy. And I don’t know what to do. It’s soooooo hard thinking all the time about it. And I know […]
I was struggling with depression when I was 15 (almost a year ago). It sounds funny because I’m young and I shouldn’t have any major problems. But my problems were big enough for me to experience depression.
I was in elementary school, finishing my last year. All teenagers are with their heads in the clouds but not me. Yes, I love to daydream because it’s my escape from the real world, but I never had the urge to have a boyfriend, go shopping every week, buy makeup all the time… I thought a lot. I’m mentally a lot older than my friends. I think about my […]