You know, when you think things are actually starting to look up and after so long the stress just piles up on you & you just want to collapse .. Over the past 2 months things were getting better, I had gotten a job, figured where I want to go to college, figured what kind of major I wanted to do, gotten a wonderful boyfriend. But just over this past week he has just. Even so angry & takes it out on me, and it just seems to be sex sex sex.. He says I always start it but I’m sleeping when I Apparently start […]
I honestly cannot find the words anymore, nothing to comfort others. I’m just blank, more or less like something that’s been erased. As i sit there constanly with the thoughts of suicide, it moves down my spin.. hurting more and more, like ice onto an ocean. I technically cannot classify myself from an ocean. Because in my mind: I see an Ocean as peaceful, full of life, moving to keep the life going. It’s like we are here to be here? If that makes sense, but unlike others we feel it all, we feel it more and more & it dwells in our minds that […]
After he left me, I turned upside down. I thought sleeping with guys would help me forget him, maybe i actually thought the guy i was with would actually love me, but that was all a joke. It would never be love, it was all lust. That’s all it is now adays is lust, maybe for a second i honestly thought i had feelings for these guys. Now, sex isn’t pleasurable.. i just want it to be done with when i have it. Maybe i thought i could honestly numb out the feelings for him with other guys, because alcohol wasn’t working with me, smoking […]
I feel like my heart has just been stomped on, how could you tell someone you want to fix everything. It makes absoultely no sense to me how you could tell someone you still love them but you go off with their old best friends? It’s like you never even loved me as you said you did. Like why did i even have to care for you? Maybe i wasn’t meant to be loved by someone. I have this thing of giving people to many chances & I’ve now realized it, maybe it’s because I want to see the good in that person. Yet they […]
Today as I got up for school, my mother came into my room.. telling me if I don’t go to school she’s going to kick me out of the house .. I’m only 16, I can’t drive, I don’t have a job, and I have no friends .. As I finished getting ready for school my mother tells me she mad me breakfast. I informed her I wasn’t hungry, she thew the food In the hallway, shoved me against the wall and repeatedly pushed me, therefore we moved into the kitchen. I told her I wasn’t riding with her, she grabbed me by my arm […]
I’ve started counceling the other week, and the second session she asked me why i cannot keep eye contact with anyone.. I didn’t explain to her why .. once somebody told me it kills them to look into my eyes because all they see is pain.. She also began to tell me i have created a well put together mask and she cannot figure it out. I don’t believe i need to go to counceling, I have nothing to talk to her about. Am i suppose to sit there and tell her how constantly i plan out my suicide, how perfectly it is put […]
I don’t want to do this, nobody understands that. I just want it all to end, all the pain, all the hurt, all the angry. Nothing seems to be getting better.. All my friends and family make me look like a terrible person because how unhappy i am and how much i want to die.. That’s the reason i haven’t done it, i just cant take this anymore and i don’t know whats wrong with me and why i am sad? I hate talking about my feelings because no one knows what to say to me and they all get so mad because i wont […]
You know how odd it is, whenever i cry over you .. you text me? Like is this some sick joke? All i want is to hate you but seems to me that will be impossible. I’m so unhappy with life and you just make it worse.. Well today i told Rj i’m tired of being there for everyone else but no one is there for me and i listen to EVERYONE, but yet i have no one? All he said was ‘You need to let people in…’ How can i let people in when my best-friend’s cat scratched her one day and she was […]
I feel insane, like i’ll never be happy. Even though i strive so hard to be happy. Yet i feel as if there is fire in my skin, and i am drowning within’. I can’t trust nor really open up to people.. i can feel them judging.. no one understands the concept of depression around here.. they just think you are ‘sick’ .. that’s all you’ll hear “She’s sick, look at her wrist” “She needs to be put away” .. But they don’t get the constant darkness taking over your mind.. Out of all honesty if i were to do it.. I’d make it look […]
As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back […]
Everything that happens is always my fault! I said one thing and i get screamed at for an hour, being told im a peice of shit.. Thanks Dad, love you too! Isn’t life already hard? I miss everything i had.. I miss my old dad.. but tonight was my last straw.. I’m done.. I want to break my promise soooo bad, and i think i might.. You are soo disrespectful, and mean to me. Yet you have NEVER yelled at my sister like this? How does that make me feel? LIke a terrible person. You blamed me for everything that happened 4 years ago. I […]
You are the one that pushed me away, yet i still want you? But i also want to hate you.. You knew i was happy, doing just fine with him, and at the bonfire when he wasnâ€™t around you pull me off to the side.. and tell me you miss me and still love me.. You treated me like i was nothing, you ignored me to teach me lessons, you ignored me on my birthday, used me, lied to me.. why in the world did i stay? I ask myself every day why i gave you a second change.. and now you ask for a […]
Is there even an happy ending? Yes alot of these stories are from the past but they dwell inside of me. Every thought, motion, or sight brings back the pain, darkness fills my nights. Somedays I can be happy but when it all comes back it just hits me.. It hits me hard. I miss the regular life with the people I had, But everything changes for a reason right? I suppose.
I feel as if i paint my smiles on.. I don’t think I’ve ever went through so much pain in a month.. You said you felt bad that you did it because it was a week after my great grandmother died? That was my first funeral.. You were there.. Holding me.. Kissing me.. Then bam it all went down hill.. Why? You put me through hell, i fought for us and you did nothing! You told me to shut the fuck up when you knew i was right… Why do I still have to feel this pain? I don’t want it anymore.. Then you’d continue […]
Why do you try to stay? Why do you push yourself into my life? No.. I told you i didn’t want to be with you and you continually try.. You hurt me once I’m not letting you do it again..
Here is my rant.. Best night of my life.. not.. you want to sit there and lie to me about who your with and what your doing? And you think i should of had respect for her? Uhmm no, what girl goes around with a guy who she KNOWS has a fucking girlfriend?.. I should of beat her ass. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Then we figure it all out and you turn back around and go to her house. HELL NO! I’m not playing anymore. I’m done.. I don’t want to be here.. I’m tired of the lieing of tonight..
This as been eating at me all day! How the hell is she about to let you finger her in school? No. Nasty. Ewh. Tf? Stay classy hunn. You last had sex in a school room? Sendin naked pictures.. don’t get me wrong i’ve had sex. but not in school!
Tired of feeling frustrated.. I’m sooo over it.. Tired of fighting with these stupid ass bitches at school. Gahh! I don’t care anymore!!
I feel as if I’m never enough .. :/ I have no clue why I feel this.. I don’t know how to open up to him.. he’s the sweetest thing.. but i feel as if i don’t treat him right! Gahhh! :'(
I need this.. I need it.. what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? i don’t want to do this anymore..