It really, really hurts. And maybe I did do this to myself. I don’t know. I’m not convinced that this isn’t hell. I’m terrified.
Eleanor
I don’t know if I’m suffering from depression. Even though I was diagnosed with it over 20 years ago, and have sustained 20 hospitalizations, over 40 shock treatments, numerous med changes, and that I have a very limited ability to work, finish college, establish close relationships, or simply feel good feelings.
But I still feel that everyone is looking at me like, I need to snap out of this. I am doing it to myself.
I feel guilty when I’m depressed because of how everyone reacts when I feel this way. Constantly I feel undermined. Voiceless. I express what I feel and I see people have already […]
Depression is full of plenty cruel twists, like feeling guilty for being sad, or uncontrollable crying, or just wanting to be dead even though I really don’t want to die but I am not really living anyway and there is so much pain I don’t think I can take it anymore. Or it could be the fact the the loneliness is so deep I feel like I am being driven mad but I struggle to connect with people bc I’m so sad it can be difficult to form a coherent sentence. And I don’t have the energy to go out with anyone anymore. But really […]
My heart hurts, and it just won’t stop. It’s that lonely, sick feeling, with a lot of anger and a lot of resentment.
Great way to start a new year. But I hate New Years. Every year this holiday manages to dupe people into believing it is far more significant than it is. Watching the clock turn from 11:59 to 12:00 inspires countless joyous souls to throw parties commemorating this miniscule passage of time. I find it all to be depressing and, as always, very anticlimactic. I guess I expect some part of me to change, to feel less burdened and ready to face challenges with […]
I came across this site while researching ways to kill myself. Though the thought of suicide isn’t new to me–it has been a sidekick to my depression for over twenty years–the intensity and frequency of which I experience these hopeless moments has dramatically increased over the last few years. I have now devoted hours upon hours online researching the various ways in which I can take my life in a relatively quick and painless manner, then more hours trying to verify the absolutes to these methods, and then more hours researching the means to the methods. There have been times I have obtained supplies for […]