I have reflux laryngitis.I haven’t talked In three months because It makes my acid reflux so much worse-er than normal.I want to to learn sign language but It’s like for what,people bearly even know a second language.I communicate by spelling words with my hand,writing on my board & texting.I’m to damaged to voluntarily get help.The second I get In a car I’m going to be throwing up my guts out so I don’t know how I’m suppose to get help.I pray everyday & nothing changes.I’m not losing my faith but I already lost the will to live.I know that this Is not something I can pray this sickness away.I don’t know what to do anymore,there’s not much I can do.It feels like the only thing to do now Is to kill myself.
4 or 5 days ago my ex posted a picture of her & I guess her new boyfriend not only on snapchat but on Facebook to.Ever since then I’ve been having really bad anxiety.Today I woke up with suicidal Ideation for no apparent reason.life’s a trip (yes I am a trip),why am I like this….
For the second year In a row I’m qonna post an update on my birthday (April 21) on how my life Is qoinq.For now I’m just lookinq for someone I can relate to.I have acid reflux.It’s really bad.I quess I just want to relate to someone who has acid reflux to.Msq me back If you have acid reflux to & want to talk about It.
In 2015 I told myself this Is the year I’m going kill myself or finally move on with my life.I decided to give life a try & things have gotten worse-er since then.My life Is a joke lmao.
When I woke up today I got on facebook to see my ex posted a news link of a fatal car crash that happened here In Houston.She wrote say hi to April (another one of our friends that coincidentally died In a car crash two years ago) for me damn g.When anyone dies It’s sad In Itself but for her to die In a car accident hits home.My ex could have/almost died In a car accident two years ago but like I said a death however It happened In Itself Is a tragedy.I can’t really call her a friend because we hardly talked but we knew of each other.Alondra & my brother were like best friends In middle school.I have her as a friend on facebook.It’s just so sad.She would write how she was gonna move to mexico to be with her mom.I can’t Imagine what her mom Is going threw right now.I know a suicide forum really Isen’t the place for me to talk like this but I just want everyone In this forum to appreciate life every single day because you never know when It’s our last day here on earth.Rest In peace Alondra,you’ll be missed.
I might make some people mad here & sorry In advance If I did anger anyone but I met her here so keep scrolling If you don’t like what I have to say,I’m just ranting.After years of looking for my ex on facebook I finally found her.I’m not gonna sent her a friend request or msg her or anything (I still have her number & her birthday Is next month so I’ll probably txt her happy birthday but I doubt she’ll say anything back) She used to sing to me the song you are my sunshine & It’s so crazy,about a week ago I had dream that I held her In my arms like how the song goes but then I woke up & I was devasted. Technically I haven’t moved on.Where I’m from everyone just hooks up with each other or date for a couple months & then break up.I’m looking for something look term but most Importantly I’m looking for someone like her.For those who know me here & follow my posts I still haven’t gotten her name covered & It kills me seeing her name on me.I still think about her.I hope one day she will talk to me.
My rockets lost so I’m kinda frustrated but anyway today has been an okay day.Yesterday I had a horrible anxiety attack so my goal for my birthday was to not let anything cause me anxiety.I think about suicide every now & then.I don’t think I’ll attempt to take my life again tho just because I’m very religious & I don’t want to go to hell.My last attempt was two years ago this month.I have acid reflux & It’s really bad to the point were I can’t work because I’m so sick.I tend to go stir crazy because I’m always at my house sick to my stomach doing nothing so sometimes suicide does cross my mind.Anyway I’m back so feel free to talk to me If you just need someone to talk to.
After damn near a year of having trouble logging In It finally worked.
I’ve been so focused on trying to be successful that I haven’t really been depressed as usual.Ever since my friend has came from jail he feels like I owe him.(long story)?The thing Is I’m a different person from a year ago.A year ago I was still lost,I didn’t know how to go on when my ex left me.Today,I just want to retire my mom & be successful.Its kinda Ironic that I’m In ?the life Insurance business but there’s times when I want to take my life.I cant kill myself now.Even after these past couple of months working 8 commission jobs & I have nothing to show for It.I’m not were I wanna be at my job (not making money yet) & no one believes In me.They don’t think I can do,there making me doubt myself.There killing my dream.They don’t understand that If this doesn’t work then that It,I give up.
I hate It when your doing so good then all of sudden something happens & then your like okay no problem but then bad things just keep stacking up & the next thing you know your driving & you start closing your eyes just wanting everything to be over.Like when your so down but you gotta pick yourself up cause your about to see family.Just when I’m starting to see a future for myself I always gotta do something to screw things up.I’ve had 8 jobs this year on my 9 & If this doesn’t work out then I don’t know anymore.
It all started with an urge to play the ouija board.So three days ago I started reading stories about playing with the board & that’s when It started.It started off with a scary dream but that’s It till today.I was smoking some fake weed & then I started choking on my tongue piercing.This happens often but this time It felt different.An hour later me & my friend are driving & smoking.Suddenly I started to trip out.I promise you Its not cause of the fake weed.It felt like someone,something was trying to possess me.Its like I was there but then It felt like I left my body & I was looking at myself trying to fight It.I felt like someone was trying to possess me!!When I came to my friend was looking at me like I was crazy,I promised him that that wasent me!!Its a sign from God.If I wanna dance with the devil then he will play the song.I’m sorry father.
Everyday I have to beat my chest & remind myself that after all the bullshit I’ve been threw can’t break me,Im still here!!
(I sound crazy??You must not know me then;).)
She don’t even remember yo birthday!!That person that used to be crying In the restroom cutting himself 30+ cuts,thats the old you.That person that tried to kill himself two times Is the old you.Now,now she don’t even remember yo birthday.People come & go but success stays with you as long as your willing to do your part.Work hard so that no one & I mean no one can take that away from you!!Its only the beginning of your young life & were all happy that you stuck around to experience It.