It’s my birthday soon. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like celebrating. This is a birthday i had never planned on seeing. I feel so empty. I haven’t felt this low in such a long time. I feel like I’ve been in auto pilot the last few days. I just it all to stop. I don’t want any of this anymore. There’s no fucking point
I’ve been suffering from sleep paralysis again. Today was the worst one yet and i think it’s because the nightmare i was having was completely different to the one I’ve had every other time. It stopped my breathing and i was in so much more physical pain when i woke up than any other time it’s happened in the past. I can’t figure out what would’ve happened to trigger it. I’ve been racking my brain all morning and coming up with nothing. I’ve been reading articles and googling the fuck out of it by nothing is really helping. Maybe my brain is finally giving up on me hahaha
I hate being a lesbian.
I hate being depressed.
I hate that for no reason at any given time of the day i have to fight the urge to crash my car.
I hate that i feel so empty when it comes to love and relationships.
I hate that i don’t believe anything good will ever come from a single thing i do.
I hate that i can’t make people happy.
I hate that i feel like such a waste.
I hate that i never find the courage to do what makes me happy.
I hate feeling so Fucking alone…