Does anyone else just get overwhelming pains of loneliness? I have no friends where i live because I moved away from my family to try and help my mental health and improve my life. I have people from work i get along with enough to make work bearable, i even tried joining a sport to try and make connections but it just feels so empty
I’ve been going to therapy for a while now and the last session i had felt so shit. Not because of the things that my therapist wanted me to process but because it felt so empty. I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I can openly talk about the things that i never could before. I don’t feel like i’m getting stuck in those emotions anymore. So i can see how the process has helped me to this point. I just get consumed by the fact that i literally have to pay to have someone listen to me about my bullshit childhood. We keep going back to the same stuff and i feel like I’ve stopped progressing in our sessions. I still feel depressed. I still want to kill myself. I still feel broken and like i want to hurt myself. I don’t think talking about the same thing for six months will help especially since i don’t feel anything about it anymore. I just wish that they could understand and not try and say everything that i feel is because of my childhood.
It’s my birthday soon. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like celebrating. This is a birthday i had never planned on seeing. I feel so empty. I haven’t felt this low in such a long time. I feel like I’ve been in auto pilot the last few days. I just it all to stop. I don’t want any of this anymore. There’s no fucking point
I’ve been suffering from sleep paralysis again. Today was the worst one yet and i think it’s because the nightmare i was having was completely different to the one I’ve had every other time. It stopped my breathing and i was in so much more physical pain when i woke up than any other time it’s happened in the past. I can’t figure out what would’ve happened to trigger it. I’ve been racking my brain all morning and coming up with nothing. I’ve been reading articles and googling the fuck out of it by nothing is really helping. Maybe my brain is finally giving up on me hahaha
I hate being a lesbian.
I hate being depressed.
I hate that for no reason at any given time of the day i have to fight the urge to crash my car.
I hate that i feel so empty when it comes to love and relationships.
I hate that i don’t believe anything good will ever come from a single thing i do.
I hate that i can’t make people happy.
I hate that i feel like such a waste.
I hate that i never find the courage to do what makes me happy.
I hate feeling so Fucking alone…