I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because of my social anxiety, GAD and clinical depression has always leaded me to quit!! I have no children and no boyfriend. At this point i’m also struggling with my sexuality. I have no interest in any man what so ever!!! My sister whom was 14 in 2000 died in a car accident. We had an apartment together and she was my best friend, daughter and sister all in one. It was great to feel atleast needed when she was here. I blame myself for not being there and blame myself often for her dying. The guilt makes my heart literally hurt and leaves me breathless. I miss her so much i could just vomit!! I don’t see any hope. Every time i try to get out i have severe panic attacks!! I’ve had them since i was 15 and i take way too much xanax which i get from my dad. I tried to go back to college but i still have a $800 loan from my last school i have to pay before i can do that. I’ve lost all hope. My mom, my dad and bro are all sick of me!! I’m at the point where the depression is so bad it’s a struggle to get out of bed to use the bathroom!!!! I really believe within me that people would be better off without me here. The suicidal thoughts are what get me through the day! That i can actually escape all the feelings of heartache, guilt and worthlessness. I really hate myself. I have no talent, no intelligence and no life! Can anyone relate to panic attacks and clinical depression destroying their lives?!!!