I say I’m okay when we all know I’m not. Smiling on the outside to be perfect, when in the inside I’m crying not seeing a point to keep existing when you’re only in pain and it sucks. Your friends left you. Your parents ignore you and your siblings beat you. But I’m okay. Its okay to not be okay sometimes but not all the time. Unlike some people my thoughts are the gun and the only thing I have to do is fall asleep because if you don’t do something to ignore the voices you’re going to pull the trigger. You’re okay! No I’m not. Act like you’re okay because if you don’t you’ll be hurt even more letting people in to see the darkness in your mind. But I’m okay! I promise. Leave me alone is a phrase said to often by your mouth. I say that but i know I don’t mean it. I want someone to ask me whats wrong but them I say nothing. I want someone to see that something is wrong. Please don’t go. Stay with me please don’t go. Then I get yelled at for not telling then that I’m not okay but when I do they ignore it. They get mad at you for anything and they wonder why you’re so silent. Anyone could see that I’m not okay but your see fine. I’m Okay!! I’m okay. I’m okay
Dear dad,
It never ceases to amaze me how you say that you love me and then go around and make me cry on the daily. It’s not like I don’t know that you love me you just have a funny way of showing it. Dad it hurts me a lot to everyday have to come home and get screamed at for the stupidest shit ever. I try and try to be a good daughter and have hope that maybe one day everything will get better but it’s honestly so hard. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever put you though. I love you but sometimes it feels like I’m suffocating. Screaming for your help but somehow you’re deaf to it. So I cry at night and yet still you not caring. You put me though so much pain and you want to help my depression! But you’re not helping your just making it worse. I want you to love me! Not hurt me. Help me! Not yell at me. I’m fading away. I’m in pain. Listen to me. Please. I’m dying.
She smiles but the pain is getting to her. She looks though the window and stares at the stars. With the scarlet red blood trickling down to her silver blade. She can’t breath, she’s suffocating in silence. Screaming for help and yet nobody can hear her. Everybody is giving up on her so she’s hopeless. Crying though the nights and fighting everyday she keeps a smile on her face. It’s like a mask. A mask that only she can see under. She will fall in love and still get hurt. Getting lied to is just something that happens everyday. She can’t go another day living in pain. She hears the words too often. Ever since she learned what suicide was she was told that it was a permeant solution to a temporary problem. But the problem isn’t too temporary. Everyday is like a war. Fighting getting new scars everyday. Today she was killed. She took the pills and fell asleep. But in her casket she still smiles. Now everyone knowing that she was wearing a mask. She’s gone. With a smile
January 5th, 2007, a bright little girl was brought into this world. With her “Happy mother” and “Health Father”. 13 years ago she was happy.
12 years ago her dad became an alcoholic and sick
11 years ago her grandma got cancer
10 years ago her grandma died
9 years ago her brother killed himself
8 years ago she was being bullied
7 years ago her sister tried to commit suicide
6 years ago her dad almost died
5 years ago she was raped
4 years ago her family broke apart
3 years ago she started to cut
2 years ago she tried to kill herself
1 year ago her family lost themselves
Today she’s in the hospital almost dead for an overdose
It’s February 1, 2020. In the simplest terms life has been nothing but a cluster fuck. I just don’t seem a reason to keep living. I have relapsed on many occasions. I found this website in hopes of finding people that will understand what it’s like to just want to give up on life. I can’t seem to wrap my head around this. But basically I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend of 2 years was cheating on me. She told me to kill myself before she left me so now I’m honestly considering it. I don’t believe in heaven of hell. I think that when you die your spirt just sits around the world and watch the rest of everyone fuck up everything even more. Oh well thats my nightly thought- lilsuicideangle007
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