I can’t take the loneliness anymore.Or the fear. Most of the time, I can’t even find the courage to leave my room because I am always so nervous around people. I never know when I will burst out crying. It’s so humiliating. I can’t find a job, I’ve already maxed out my credit cards and sold everything of value that I had just to pay my rent. I don’t have anything left to sell, and it’s already 3 days late. They foreclosed on my house 2 years ago, so since then, I’ve been renting rooms in other people’s homes. I almost never even leave the room, much less the house. Luckily, the lady is never here, so she doesn’t know I just lay in bed all day. I’m not lazy, and I’m not drunk or on drugs. I just can’t find the energy or confidence. I don’t have any friends anymore, and even my family has given up on me. Since my divorce 10 years ago, I have only seen my kids a few times. They are grown and married, with kids of their own. Two of the three don’t even return my phone calls. They spend holidays with their Dad and his new wife, while I have spent the last 5 years alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am dreading the holidays. I don’t think I can go through it again this year. My life has been over for years. I guess I’ve just lived too long. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.