I always thought people who said they could hear things or see things were full of shit…..I mean I suppose they are technically crazy in the moment but those things they see or the things they hear are not actually there and if they are it’s usually distorted but the victim DOES in fact hear and see these things because their brain is playing tricks on them. It has more to do with the biology and less to do with the mystical as I used to ignorantly assume those people were talking about. I used to think these people just wanted to see things like […]
lonewolf23
lonewolf23
I used to belong somewhere......now I’m always disappearing because I can’t let people get close to me. I’m too broken to be fixed. I know that now. All I’ve got left is my service to others but I must never connect with anyone. That is the only way I can live now.
Nihilism sucks……at least it still helps with my social anxiety but then what’s the point anyway?
I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe or something. I actually know things could’ve been different if I had just made one choice and not the other. Actually there’s multiple instances that I can remember where I made the wrong decision. And they all added up until I became what I am today. If I could go back in time I would and I’d choose to be more vulnerable with people. I’d actually let people in. My youth was wasted thinking I wasn’t worthy of companionship in any form. I suppose I never stood a chance with the way I was raised at […]
Does anyone else ever feel too numb to cry? It sucks. I feel like crying often but it’s like I don’t have the energy to do so.
I’m a weirdo. Totally just quoting a song by Radiohead but that’s exactly how I feel when I just got rejected by my crush and I still live with my mom at 23 years of age. I’m a pathetic man. ????
I was so drunk recently that I actually reached out to an old bully. He was really cool but I wonder if he could sense how drunk I was. I’m about to go to jail for a DUI accident too. My life is a joke.
My father won’t control me anymore after this. I have had it with him. I admit I am the one responsible for my DUI accident back a couple months ago but if he wants to know what was going through my head that night then I would tell him that I was out driving because I wanted to stay away from him as soon as he got home so I drove down to the gas station to buy some alcohol. On my way back home to the place I dread I opened up my drink and started drinking because the guy scares me and I […]
Why? Well because I won’t be around very long for me to even bother creating a connection with anyone. All you are is a coworker….nothing more. It’s not that you’re a bad person or that I find you annoying. I don’t think I’m better than you or anything like that. I just know myself too well. I know I’m too broken inside to allow myself to partake in companionship. I truly believe this and so you won’t see me making an effort to sneak a joke in or start a conversation. It honestly feels foreign to me. You see I’ve been broken for a while […]
So the title is pretty self explanatory. I’ll be brutally honest here….I’m a piece of shit! I am selfish loser who will have to do his time in jail. A couple of days ago I got arrested for a DUI that involved two other innocent people. They’re cars were messed up and especially the one that was directly in front of me when I crashed. Thankfully no one was hurt despite how crowded it was however that could of very easily turned deadly. In Arizona it is law that you go to jail at least for 10 days (which is nothing) and can expect time […]
I was wondering if anyone else has truly given up on trying to find a lover/soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. Is that too much for you to accept? That you’ll be alone for your short lifespan. I know I’ve made peace with it and I’m only 23 years old. But I know where I stand in this. I now live for a different purpose than the one most suburbia people strive for. I don’t want to have that relationship anymore…..I never had one and I don’t care anymore. I’m not turning into an incel….I refuse to think that way. To become an incel […]
I’m asking this not because I got dealt a bad hand but rather because I just don’t understand the purpose of life. Even when things were going right in my life I still asked this question and so I’ve always kinda been depressed about life in general. What are we here for? What’s my purpose and whats the purpose of other peoples lives? If this planet will be gone someday then what’ s the point? No one really leaves their mark. That’s just way to make oneself feel better about themselves. 50 years is nothing, 100 years is nothing, 2000 years is nothing, 500,000 years […]
I won’t subject myself to anymore ridicule and shame. I have decided that I don’t wanna pursue a relationship anymore. Why? Well because I hate that feeling of rejection. I hate it so much that I will avoid the possibility of it happening at all costs. I have discovered that I can actually still live a fulfilling life even without a significant other, gf, wife, soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. I know why women have rejected me. I will admit and own up to my flaws. I will work on my flaws and this will be an ongoing process from now on. But […]
Anyone else feel it? It feels like there’s more and more horrible things happening as time passes recently. People seem more angry and egotistical lately. My only escape from this reality has been booze and comedy. It’s like you can feel their negative energy. It’s scaring me to be honest. I’ve been hiding inside all day today because of this feeling. I have to go to work tomorrow but I guess I’ll just have to make the best of it and hopefully not piss anyone off on the road or at work. Maybe it’s due to Winter…..I don’t know maybe it’s just random or it’s […]
I stood up for myself a couple weeks ago with a passive aggressive coworker of mine and it felt pretty good. At my job there’s a lot of physical work to be done and it often requires more than 1 person to get it done as it’s sometimes impossible to do it on your own and it’s more time consuming even if you can do it on your own. But anyways me and this coworker of mine were loading huge storage unit doors onto a pallet. This particular coworker always seems to be in a bad mood or always trying to prove how tough he […]
I feel a void in myself. I feel so numb lately. I’m missing something from my life. Life feels so empty. There’s no excitement in it for me anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel lost. I’m not happy or sad. I just feel emotionless and I think that’s worse. Although from a former perspective I should feel sad but I can’t even shed a tear some days because even that’s too much work. Just one tear today and it was from looking at a beautiful picture someone had taken and posted online. Maybe it was a reminder of what […]
I feel this way all thr damn time! I’m sicken tired of having to use the booze to calm down. I’m so damn scared all the time. I don’t think i can ever heal. The pills don’t fucking work! I need the harder stuff thats actually legal like Xanax. My situation is so bad because I get all tense and people think I’m pissed at the world due to my facial muscles. When I’m super nervous my face gets tense too and so i end up looking like im mad….but im not. I hate my body for this but if my mind could simply stop […]
I hate it because people want to celebrate a day for someone as trashy as me. They shouldn’t bother to do anything for me. I really don’t understand why they even celebrate it and insist I come over for dinner. I haven’t been over to theirs because I always forget or I’m always too broke to even buy them a gift. Oftentimes I am too busy at work to go to their celebrations. Honestly I always feel awkward when people start calling me and texting me to wish me a happy birthday. I’m glad that they remember but this is exactly the reason why it […]
I’m an alcoholic. I hate it so much because I feel like have no control over my feelings and how I react to certain things. I only drink because I’m so anxious all the time. I wish I could just relax but I take everything so negatively. People like to tease me at work and so I use alcohol as a way to relax and laugh it off but its starting to get pricey as well as unhealthy. I haven’t gone a day without drinking in months now…maybe a couple years. Its every day. And my tolerance keeps getting greater and greater. I know what […]
I’m done. I’ve had enough of Arizona. This place is literally my own personal version of hell on earth. I was born in AZ but it doesn’t mean I have to love it. My skin hates it so much. Triple digit temperatures all week are no fun when you gotta walk 15miles just to get to work. The careless peeps who run my side of town won’t build or expand public transportation in many neglected areas out here. I have a car now but I remember when I didn’t have one and arriving to work smelling like shit from sweating on my way there. Besides […]
You may be a little different from me but so what!…lets enjoy life together regardless!
Yeah there might be a handful of racists out there but I don’t give a shit. I may be a Chicano but I wont give into fear. I don’t want to think that every white and black dude is out to get me simply because they’re a different color than me. The racist peeps are only a minority found in every race. But I refuse to build a defensive mechanism of “being on the lookout” all the damn time around people who look different than me. I know reality doesn’t care about my feelings. But the only way I know how to stay sane is […]
I cut people off when they start getting close to me because I’m afraid of how great our companionship can be. I feel like I’m afraid of happiness because I know it doesn’t last very long. I refused to talk to anyone who was “gaining on me” today for this reason. I feel regretful for letting them in this much but I’m also glad at the same time. Does this make me a sociopath? Am I too fucked up to ever give friendship a chance ever again?