Amidst this lockdown, I found that I have been able to make only a few friends in my 22yrs on this planet and no-one close enough to speak my heart to. I have no idea how to make friends, and above all that I’m an introvert program to be quite and alone.
Hi… Unfortunately still alive. I have nobody else I can talk to, or feel like talking to about this, so I’m writing this. People normally say that I’m a helpful and friendly guy. And not a day goes by where I don’t ask myself how come I couldn’t make a single good friend in my miserable 22years of existence, where I don’t ask myself how some with no talent, no dreams, no passion like me is even alive and for what. You know the worst part is being aware of that there are others who had it worse than me and they are still brave to work through it. Sometimes I wish I was born a dog or some other animal, at least then I could have said I just a dumb animal. In my life I have been in the same school for 8 years, that like at least near half my life on this planet, and I have no good friend, is that even possible? I mean I have to be some kind of monster or disease or something so filthy and bad that I’m like this right?
Later…bye, Thanks for reading.
In my 22yrs, I haven’t been able to make a single friend whom I can call when in need, emotionally. I’m scared I will have to live my whole pathetic existence all alone. I understand that I might deserve it, but I always wishes for more. I’m scared that I will ruin my career cause I’m really not that intellectually bright. Not a day passes by that I don’t wish my death. I’m even scared to fail my own suicide attempt. I really wish I was a better person to be worth living but, I don’t think I can change. Presently I don’t even try to make friends anymore, too scared out of my mind. I’m even scared to meet up with people now a days, scared that they will figure out I’m not worth the time. Btw I’m trying to a pros and con of life and death, any suggestions?
I’m supposedly a friendly guy, well at least that’s what the people I know tells me. But I think it’s a lie.
Right now I’m waiting for my college to start on June, and the weird part is my whole weeks almost a month passes by before I talk or chat with any of my friends. Normally I reply or call back immediately after someone contacts me.
I also think that I myself am a friendly person, i always try to help my friends whenever they ask for it.
And i feel awful when I find myself all by myself, no friends to hangout with, i mean have taken initiatives to make a plan for hanging out with my so-called friends, but no luck in that, and whenever I call my friends just to chat they say they are busy and will call back, but they never do. It’s like the forces of nature is telling me that I’m not worth the time better just stop trying to call.
So from now I have decided that I will never try to make any friends myself. Hell I even go to movies all by myself, so why not right? What do you guys think?
I have fixed my 30th B-Day as ‘The Day’. To be honest I’m scared, I don’t really know why. I mean I’m already a disappointment for those who have to care for me- if not out of love then out of responsibility and everyone else.
I’m new to this forum, so before I forget, I want to thank any/everyone that is reading my post.
I have never felt loved by anyone, not even by my parents or an other of my relatives. I wish i could say that I had a struggling life start or some major problem, but I don’t. That why I feel I’m not worth for others attention on me, that’s why I have only told, 2 people about my depression. I even feel like a huge selfish guy to only think about myself all the time. I’m sad and depressed all the time, I fake my smiles and laughs almost all the time, thinking why do i even bother faking it. To be honest, there is ONE huge problem in my life, and the truth is that problem is myself as a living person, as a human, as a being.
The Plan is to evaluate myself just before my 30th birthday, as to analyse whether I’m happy, successful and worthy of life at that moment of time or not, which will determine my future life as living or dead. But it feels like 30th of my life is far too long that I have given myself, to be alive and analyzed.
I confess that I have never attempted suicide yet, does this makes me a fake, an attention seeker, a fraud? Are these feelings of mine even real? Does this makes me less of a man?
P.S.- If You are still here then, know that I’m grateful to you, and I have 1 more request to you that is- Can I at least wish for 1 comment in my post? Thank You.