extreme stress caused from seemingly nothing noteworthy is making me have thoughts of quiting uni, going back home and find a job. even tho the course im studying is something i enjoy and have great talent for. what do i do? ive had enough stress in the last 10 years of my life, that i just dont have anymore strenth to fight against any new stress. and i have already done smth similiar, but the thing i studied then was chosen so that people wouldnt judge me for not starting uni a nd not knowing what i want to do with my life.
a falling star
i should have stayed waiting for my semester to start, instead of coming back home to spend “a few more days with my family”. A day has past, and all i have received are attacks. If my siblings do something, i am the one that get an earful. I’m 22, my siblings are 19 and 16, they’re not children. i mean, it’s generally like that, but the intensity of it today is as strong as 2 weeks worth of it. From this morning they’ve been attacking me, telling me to stop acting the way I’m acting, i have no idea what I’ve done. I woke […]
I feel stupid writing this here, but i have nowhere else to say this. So, i kind of developed some serious feelings towards this guy for the first time in my life. I think that they are serious emotions because i have never wanted to be with someone in a relationship before. We text every day, all day and i love it. It has already been a few days since i have seen him because we live faraway from each other. And as time passes my feelings have started to go cold. Now I’m confused if i really have “serious” feelings for him. Is it […]
i wish i wasn’t born in my faith. that way i could sleep around with guys that i find physically attractive. why?? because i don’t feel those emotions. i’ve never loved someone. i’ve never had an actual crush. if i didn’t have my faith…i could satisfy the emptiness in my heart, in my soul.
i am waiting for the right person, someone whom i will love with all my heart. but…. i think that that person doesn’t exist. not a single bit have i felt. i feel hollow.
whatever. whilst reading this, i have no idea what i’m trying to say….
I wonder, does anyone write letters anymore. It’s beautiful…writing a letter. Conveying your emotions and thoughts on a piece of paper, engraving them forever, and sending them to a beloved person. I wish, that when I find my significant other I can share this with them. It’s sad, how no one writes letters anymore. I wish that people would start doing it again…
On the 1st of December 2019, i posted my last post. A month after, on the 4th of January, i attempted suicide. I overdosed on pills. My parents were witnesses, they found me, apparently dying. For a few weeks after, i thought it was all a dream. Until my father showed the empty pill packets, I didn’t believe him.
It’s been nearly a year since my attempt. It’s much better, I might even say I’m happy. But… I can sense a change. It’s not depression and the thoughts of dying anymore. It’s lack of empathy and emotions. I don’t care about the things I used to […]
I was broken from the inside.
The depression slowly chipped me away, finally devouring me.
I could not beat the negativity.
I hated myself. Even though I tried so hard demanding my memories that kept getting cut off to ‘wake up,’ all I got in return was silence.
I‘d rather stop if I cannot breathe.
I asked who could be responsible for me.
You’re the only one.
I felt utterly alone.
It is easy to say “I‘m going to end it.”
It is very difficult to actually go through with it.
I’ve been struggling through the difficulty.
I told myself that it‘s just me wanting to run away from everything.
It’s true. I really did want to […]
“I was broken from the inside.
The depression slowly chipped me away, finally devouring me.
I could not beat the negativity.
I hated myself. Even though I tried so hard demanding my memories that kept getting cut off to ‘wake up,’ all I got in return was silence.
I‘d rather stop if I cannot breathe.
I asked who could be responsible for me.
You’re the only one.
I felt utterly alone.
It is easy to say “I‘m going to end it.”
It is very difficult to actually go through with it.
I’ve been struggling through the difficulty.
I told myself that it‘s just me wanting to run away from everything.
It’s true. I really did want to […]
I want to fall in love. I want someone to love me truly, with all their heart and life. I want to be love……
I wish i could disappear from everyone’s memories. Watch them from a far as they carry on with their lives, happy, without me, a burden. Leave to a far away country and live alone. Thinking about life and repenting on everything i have done. I think i have caused enough pain to my love ones. They have enough pain in there lives, i am insufficient. Thay have enough shit going in there lives, i am a hindrance. I wish them all the best in this world. I love them too much. It is best i disappear so they can be happy. I’m sorry, i love […]
why is it that the people i love and care for neglect me and forget me. i give all my love and it’s just ignored, as if i never existed. i know we carry on with our lives and new things happen, but if you really truly loved me and cared for me, you wouldn’t forget me totally. it hurts me when a person who meant so much to me pretends as if we where never friends.
just tell me if you can’t be bothered with me anymore. i know that i will break cause of the pain of them leaving me, but… even if […]
The moment i think it’s getting better, that i feel at last, it comes crushing back. Again and again. Always the same. Just fucking hopeless.
my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with adjustment disorder. i wanted to ask if someone else that is also diagnosed with it can tell me their personal experience. i have some doubt regarding the diagnosis.
i sit in the darkness of my room whilst my favorite playlist is playing. it’s 2 am in the morning, i’m awake staring into the distance and at the night sky. thoughts are flying through my head, the voices are screaming, i am silent. i wish upon a falling star to disappear. i think of the peace i would feel if that would happen, i pray for it. i wish i could stay in this moment forever, i don’t want the sun to rise… i am such a mess
“whatever happens, know that i will love you forever and be on your side no matter what […]
I don’t see a reason to carry on anymore. I don’t see the point. At last, I started getting better. The thoughts of dieing had nearly dissapeared. I was happy at home, I enjoyed being with my parents. But, I’ve done something that is going to dissapoint my parents a lot. When I imagine their faces of disappointment, the words they are gonna say, I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t bear with the feeling of shame. I’m so pathetic. After all the improvement, it has all gone back to the start. Maybe even worse. Anything I do, I feel empty. I can’t even cry. […]
my mom makes fun of the fact that i’m suicidal. she says that people who are suicidal are egoists, attention-seekers. she keeps on telling me that i am the cause of my depression. as time goes by i hate her even more.
I’m very embarrassed to say anything about how i’m feeling. I’m very nervous when i have to tell someone how i feel. I have the feeling that i’m burdening someone with my problems. I feel hopeless and empty. My name is Lora and i’m 19. I suffer from depression. That’s why i started seeing a psychologist. I did a few tests and the results said that i do have depression but my psychologist thinks that it is not depression, that it’s a just part of puberty and that it will pass. I haven’t told him about my suicidal thoughts and about my acts of self-harm […]