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rivets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGFOvuOxwuU

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Uncertainty

by rivets
written by rivets

The future is uncertain. Tomorrow is uncertain. There’s no telling what will happen, and making a contingency plan is just too much work. I’ll improvise like a stupid juggler when the audience throws tomatoes at him. I know all the temps at work will be getting laid off soon. My car is a piece of junk, but at least I’ve managed to fix the most pressing issues with it now. And this kitten meows like a frog that got swallowed by a pelican.

So let’s just take this whole train and derail it with some randomness.

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General

Brain Paralysis

by rivets
written by rivets

Too much free time, too little sleep every night, nothing to do.. feels like I have lots of things to do, but I can’t identify what those things are. Maybe I should cut back on the coffee.

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General

It’s all a crapshoot and nobody knows why

by rivets
written by rivets

People die. It happens.

I almost got fired for a very stupid reason, but managed to dodge it somehow and am now hinging my hopes on getting a car that’s not mine fixed by Monday, so I can drive to work in a car that’s not leaking oil like an incontinent bladder.  Because I could get fired for that, apparently.

And in securing that vehicle, I learned my sister was in the hospital for a septic infection, and they’re moving her to a hospice. She’s got no insurance, and I think the big cahones at the place don’t want no freeloaders taking up valuable beds that rich hemorrhoidal asses could be laying on. I’m conflicted between apathy and seething rage. I’d like to scream obscenities in their faces, or watch some TV and drink a beer. I’m not sure which is in the lead at this point.

I’m too tired for this shit. Tired of this shit? Tired from this shit? Tired old shit. Can the world quit shitting on everything, please? And by the world, I mean people – can people quit shitting on everything, please? Quit all the damned elitist garbage and come down to our level? Sorry, my life’s not perfect. Sorry, other people are in the same cesspool as I am. Sorry, we don’t fit into your perfect little highly organized world. Golly, sorry, we don’t meet your expectations, can’t pay your bills, can’t make our circumstances magically different. Can these elitist pricks apologize to us for once? It wouldn’t change a damned thing, but at least it’d be on the right side of the equation.

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General

Stop not doing double negatives!

by rivets
written by rivets

I don’t know why the title, but it isn’t what it’s not. Heh. I may be a little loopy.

Everything is exhausting.  I think I might be autistic. Or rather, further along the spectrum than just ADHD. I can’t people. People make distracting mouth-sounds. I can cat. Cats make soothing purr sounds. Everything is too complicated, and there’s too much of it. I’m an irritable mess and it only gets worse as the days drag on.

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General

For Coworkers

by rivets
written by rivets

 

Quick, while the boss is in a meeting.

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General

12 hour mantra

by rivets
written by rivets

 

I dedicate this song to the place I work, and the lady I work for. Aw, shucks.

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General

Say Hello To My Little Friend

by rivets
written by rivets

He adopted me. I was going grocery shopping and when I opened my door to step outside, he raced into the apartment and now refuses to leave. I guess I’ve got room for one more.

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General

Human

by rivets
written by rivets

Have to act like human today when it feels like a spinning top took residence inside my head and it’s all off kilter.

There’s not enough coffee in the world to make acting like a human enjoyable.

Help, I just can’t do it. I’m living the dream and the dream is shit. Screw the dream, screw the man, screw the McCoffee. I don’t wanna people today. But I gotta, so I’ll do it like tearing off a band-aid and make it as fast as possible. Then I can maximize the time I sit around wondering what to do with myself. Sounds like fun.

 

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General

A New Day!

by rivets
written by rivets

Oh joy! What fun!

God, after introspection here, I think I might be an asshole, too. So everyone is an asshole. We’re all a bunch of assholes. Great. Everything is just peachy.

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General

rocketman

by rivets
written by rivets

I woke up and this video was playing. I think the cats were crawling all over my keyboard while I was asleep. I feel like they were trying to tell me something, but I have no clue what it could be.  Just remember…. it could always be worse. You could be that guy and also eat cute animals.

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General

by rivets
written by rivets

All I’m saying today.

Please don’t eat me.

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General

Trapped!

by rivets
written by rivets

How do you stop being who you are? Or is it possible that what you think you are, isn’t what you are? What the hell actually is me? Am I the person other people see, the things I’ve done, or their outcomes, even if nobody else has seen the results but me? Or am I who I think I am – maybe the outline in my mind of who I’d like to be in those ego filled moments that happen from time to time without my noticing. Aspirational me? Trying to be better me? Trying to shine, me? Why bother doing anything like that if the only person who might understand any of it is me (or you, or you, or you or my cat, maybe). Are other people stuck in the same sort of haze? Maybe other people are the problem – their perception, and by extension, my perception of them, might not be any more or less real than their own perception of themselves, or mine of myself. What is a me? What is a you? What are we, even? Why do we have this constant back and forth between “me” and “you” to decide what either is, and how could anyone possibly decide who gets defined first? Who is there to decide it prior to being defined? It’s like social anarchy. No rules, no coin toss, just racing to see who can steal the ball first and kick it into some amorphous goal. Any means will do, no matter how dirty. Just get to the goal first to be you. Winner gets to rule the universe in their own head.

 

Can’t we all just be ourselves without all this messy chaos? I guess that circles back to the original line of questioning – what even is a person without all this messy chaos to form them? This, to me, seems like the ultimate proof that there can be no god. No god in his/her right mind would make things like this, except maybe the invisible pink unicorn. And we all know how that jerk is. I guess one can argue that god is insane, schizophrenic, scattered pieces without any cohesive whole – that might make sense, given the nature of people. We could perhaps only see him or her reflected through the insane mass of other people staring back at us, and really, he/she’s just completely lost the plot (redundant, but clearly).  Screw it, I’m going with the pink unicorn. At least the pink unicorn is nice. I mean, nobody really knows because he’s invisible and all, but he’s pink, and pink is a happy color…

Damnit, I need to stop staying up late on my days off. I go off my own rocker. I didn’t even know it was possible to fall off an imaginary chair, but lo! I have done it. Coffee! Save me!

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General

Nowhere, man

by rivets
written by rivets

I’m going dancing in the parking lot tonight.

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General

Gone Fishing

by rivets
written by rivets

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General

Silence!

by rivets
written by rivets

Do you like silence, or do you find it uncomfortable?

I like it. I like it a lot. There’s this guy named John Zerzan who put it like this – civilization is a conspiracy of noise designed to cover up the uncomfortable silences. But not everyone finds them uncomfortable – the noise might be what’s uncomfortable. I hate noise. Flashing lights, screeching sirens, churning of machines, countless feet walking down graded pavement, doors opening and closing, water dripping from faucets. It’s all so mechanical and arbitrary. Where are we all going in such a hurry? Just lay back in the river and let the current pull you along. It’s more peaceful that way. Let the birds sing their songs, the water babble around you, the wind sweep the leaves, and the sky open up overhead with the distant roar of far up gales that push the clouds. It’s more peaceful that way. Make no noise at all and just listen. Don’t think a thought and just listen and drift down the river. That’s what I’m doing today if it doesn’t storm. I need a vacation from all this stupid noise.

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General

by rivets
written by rivets

No, Mr. Watts, I would do no such thing.

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General

Drank the river dry

by rivets
written by rivets

…now I’m going back to sleep. Like a weird sloth that sleeps on a bed. Probably have moss growing on me. Who knows.

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General

by rivets
written by rivets

Reminder to myself: There were no survivors.

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General

Floating Along

by rivets
written by rivets

It’s like clouds. Wafting along peacefully, not bothering anyone. And then the wind picks up and scatters them all around, the sky goes overcast and the clouds aren’t lazy and peaceful anymore. They’re glum and hazy. It’s hard to say what they are. Maybe the start of a storm, maybe hinting at a tornado over the horizon. Maybe just smog from all the burnoff wells. Who knows? Only time will tell.

From the ground, you can’t throw a rock at a cloud. The cloud is out of your reach, for the most part. You can yell; it can’t hear you, and even if it could, it’s a cloud. It doesn’t have the capacity to care. You can’t make it go back where it came from. You can’t chase it off. It’s just there, doing its own thing, not bothering anyone. The weather takes a turn for the worst, and you can’t stop it. You can’t file a petition to force the sky clear and sunny again. You can’t take a vote for a warm breeze. It just happens of its own, and you can only enjoy it while it lasts. And then it’s gone. There’s no holding onto it or pushing it away. There’s no arguing with it. Getting upset won’t alter its course or make it stay.

And yet some days, I really like to throw shade at the clouds. Stupid things. I lost the plot a long time ago. Where are we going with any of this, and why are those stupid clouds still just drifting along without a care in the world? Did they take a class to learn that particular skill? I’m not even sure what’s bothering me half the time. The life of a crazy person, huh? We should be so lucky to have reasons for things.

Not sure what my point is here. That might be the booziness talking.

 

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