I am so tired of
Doctors
Medication
Blood tests
Needles
Pain
Waking up in hospitals being told I’m “lucky to be alive”
Doctors telling me they don’t know why
Hospital food
The sound of the medication timer
My body surprising me with new symptoms and dangerous complications.
My mind turning into mush
Spending holidays in the hospital
Being poked and prodded by ppl in scrubs, talking in hushed tones, while the moniter beeps
Iv poles
Fighting to get thru work
Calling in sick to work
Having to fake it for the camera
Telling men on first dates
Telling friends I’m too sick
Telling family I don’t feel well enough to go
People not believing me bc I look so healthy
Almost passing out infront of clients
Having to cancel on clients
Needing people to care for me
Asking for help
Getting a cold or flu or debilitating infection from just from getting dressed and socializing for a few hours
Ruining vacations with er visits
Pushing past my limits and still not being good enough
Being me
I am so tired of
Being young and sick and mentally ill
So many years of fighting
I have had enough.
I’m not strong enough