So I managed to get a job a few months ago but I lost it last month. They didn’t fire me directly but told me they won’t be extending my contract and even though I had over a month still left, they told me to hand in my security card and leave the building. That is pretty much getting fired. My 1st job ended in failure. I actually did a good job, I tried my best and even worked over time to make a better impression.
So how did I not get to keep the job? Well if you are reading this, then I assume you too suffer from depression, to one degree or the other. I’ve had chronic depression my whole life. I couldn’t fucking shake that depression about 2 months into the job (I worked there 4 months). It hit me out of no where, I was feeling like my life was finally making a turn for the better but then bam, reality came back. I found my self hating the job and wishing to drive into on coming traffic on the way to and from work. I felt that familiar feeling of worthlessness and nothing I could do would give me a reprieve from my despair. I really did hate the job but it was not a bad job, hell I’m sure it would be considered an astounding opportunity for someone else. When I handed in my security card, I left the building with not even a good bye. Despite my depression, I did everything they asked and more. The people at work were not very friendly to me but I don’t care about such things, I just wanted a job so I could become more human and escape my present life style. I guess my anti-social nature made them not want to talk to me, since the last thing I was working on at work was creating a scrollable container in rxjs. I remember asking a few of the other developers how to code for infinite scrolling (since it would be scrolling for an undetermined amount of data). The look in their eyes when I asked, told me that I was an apparent “idiot” for asking them. I never got help but before I could figure it out on my own, I was sacked.
So I’m jobless again and I feel like a worthless meat bag…again. I wouldn’t recommend 100% bullshiting your way into a job like I did but I can say that I would never of been hired if I was honest. I feel unhirable but I might have to try bullshiting my self into a job again since I don’t think I will get one if I don’t.
I’ve started a Unity developer course which I’m very exited about but maintaining a strong enough spirit to go the distance is my biggest obstacle.
Has any one else gone through the feeling of being unemployable? How did you deal with it?
I hope you all continue to fight the good fight