I have somethings to say before I go.
my life is not a sad story, no big loss(except my drug addict father, no big harm), no love story, no being poor, no child working, no lack of attention, no lack of caring people around me, no lack of friends, etc…
and I don’t exactly know why I’m heading this road since I remember.
I’ve lost my believe in Allah (muslims’ god) and then any form of god by the beginning of highschool, my father left me and my mom a year after, spending his Shit money on the drugs; we were waste of money and time by his own words
and a year after that I started drinking, even at school, but hopefully not that much to be noticed by others
and less than a year after I started smoking, and also marijuana and opium (not to mention cuttings)
nothing heals me guys, they do not have the power to make things right, but they let you pass your time for tomorrow
and tomorrow, pass your time again for the day after… what’s the point of living anyway?? I was hopeful someday long ago, I dreamed of being an electronic engineer who designs computers, micro-controllers, calculators, smart house manage systems, security systems; but at last I see I will die someday anyway, does it matter what I’ve done before? not a little bit, even when you are Claude Elwood Shannon, even Alan Turing, even Richard Feynman, you will be dead someday, and that’s when nobody gives a Shit, and even it doesn’t matter that your name, knowledge, respect, would stay alive, cause you’re dead
then why not do it sooner??
life sucks, I hate people for no reason, I feel everyone wants to stab my back, even my closest friends, I cut myself cause it feels good not for the attention
guys wish me luck from bottom of your heart, please
I cant do it anymore
–sorry for bad English