So my last post was about my last remaining friends nearly leaving me.
Last week, on Wednesday, I guess they made the decision to abandon me completely.
I was going to go out with a bunch of their friends. It was going to be a very, very good thing for me. My life was finally looking up, and I was actually going to talk to one of them about my suicidal tendencies. I was going to make a conscious effort to try and drag my self out of this hole, and I might have actually managed it given time.
And then I got a text.
“Sorry, they don’t want you there.”
It would probably be best to explain that this was a group of people who I had fallen out with, and one of them is currently dating one of my closest friends.
I got the text, and in that moment my vision of forgiveness and happiness faded, and was replaced by one thing: melancholy.
I gathered my things and I put my coat on. I sent a text to a friend explaining my choice. In an alternate universe, he might have understood the text.
I walked to a busy road and waited for a bus to come by.
One did, and I took three steps forward into what I presumed would be my death.
The bus swerved and almost collided with another car. I almost caused someone severe imjury because of my ridiculously fluctuating mental state.
The thing that scares me the most is that I didn’t attempt again because I didn’t want someone to be injured, not because I actually wanted to survive.
Next time I try, I will make sure that I can do so in a way that won’t harm anybody.