for most of the day today I’ve been thinking about killing myself. my thought was, if I’m not good at life, then I shouldn’t be living. this makes perfect sense to me.
but I just remembered I can’t kill myself. like physically can’t. I’ve tried so many times in the past and I can never take that final step. can’t jump of the bridge, but all set to go. always seeking help after pills
i guess that means I don’t want to die, but I do. or more, I don’t want to live. this life I’m in, I’m terrible at it. I can’t seem to achieve anything
i keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
i can’t die. and I can’t live
so where the hell does that leave me?