Summer is awesome, but I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday and doing the same thing every night to pass the time. I want to pass the time because I don’t want to sleep. I’ve played this game too much and I’m tired because I know next summer will be just as boring. But, I still complain during school. There’s no winning with me, I guess.
mhm1000
What the hell is wrong with me? I was so depressed yesterday night and now I feel like I’m on top of the world, or at least I feel good. I was ready to kill myself and now I’m like “oh, no thanks,” to that idea. That just shows you how easily your mind can change and how I shouldn’t act on impulse.
I usually have something going on that makes me not want to die. Well, I want to die every night but I have something stopping me. Not now. Nobody’s home, I went to sleep at seven in the morning and woke up at 8 at night. I feel pathetic. My brothers are asleep. My mom isn’t home and she’s probably going to drunk when she gets home. There’s nobody stopping me, my mom would come home to my dead corpse. I find myself fantasizing every night about all the ways I could kill myself. See you tomorrow.
Well, I watched Cannibal Holocaust and I feel like shit. I mean, I expected this. I read reviews, watched videos about it, and I’m not sensitive to graphic content. But, this was so… gross. I’ve seen Saw and that movie didn’t come close to how immoral I felt. It wasn’t the gore, it was all the rape and just, sexual torture. It was horrible. Don’t fucking watch Cannibal Holocaust.
I literally don’t want to fucking do this anymore. That nauseating feeling that makes me want to rot away is constant nowadays. I am so drained. I don’t fucking care about myself anymore. I’m such a piece of shit. I’m not insecure about my appearance, it’s not that type of feeling. It’s me. I am fucking worthless as a person. I’ve been depressed my whole life. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Someone could break down my down and shoot me in the fucking face and I wouldn’t care. And why do I find it funny?
I’m a bit stressed because my ma is showing signs that she is depressed and dissatisfied with life. She’s in her mid 40’s, ex-alcoholic, and I fucking hate her sometimes. But, I almost feel like telling her she should get therapy instead of me because I don’t want her to end up killing herself and I’ve got to live with my dad. I’d rather kill myself than her kill herself. She should get therapy instead of me.
If someone has something I want, I become resentful of them and talk shit about them. I hide my insecurities with unwarranted hatred, just like my mum. I never wanted to be like her, but I am. I’m brash, I talk shit constantly about people that I’m jealous of, and I drink. (im a minor but my mum doesn’t care) I love that little buzz I get even after just a beer or two and it’s like nothing can bother me. And if I have more than two? I’m on top of the fucking world, baby.
Does anyone (in their mind when they think something is unfair/stupid) use their fucked up past/ traumatizing experiences as an excuse to do fuck all and rationalize every bad choice they make?
Nobody gave a shit about me when I was struggling. I feel like I have the right to not do schoolwork and be apathetic towards everything related to school, I have the right to treat my mom like shit because she did the same thing to me and my brothers when we were younger, I have the right to take a fucking break with everything because I never got one when I was younger. But, […]
Well, I did it. I filled out an application and now I’m waiting for a response.
I feel pretty good about the application, to be honest. But, I’ll just have to wait and see.
My friend’s cousin has cancer and I don’t know how to comfort him. I understand it’s fucking horrible but I just don’t know how to act. When he told me, I was just shocked and I said, “That’s really shitty.”
Time to vent.
I can’t cry. It feels like I need too, but I just can’t: It’s like the tears won’t come out.
I can feel them, sort of like my soul is crying (if that’s a good way to put it). And I have no explanation for it: I was feeling fine for this whole year, but then two weeks ago I started feeling this way again. It’s so difficult when you think you’re doing good, then you just get shit on again!
I can’t bother giving a flying fuck. I feel so apathetic. I complain, but don’t do anything about my problems. I just complain, then go on […]