i guess i technically relapsed today. i hadnt cut in 3 or 4 month maybe more. but i tried today. i didnt actually cut to cause significant bleeding because my knives are dull but they still managed to do their thing and trigger biological reaction. so guess back to day one. i dont think ill ever stop entirely. its like a biological cheat and my body knows it. ill keep trying not to do it often though.
i think ive gotten through the toughest parts already, probably not but im here now. i feel like there is so many things that got me to this struggle and so few that keep me going. i used to cut in the past… at some point ill probably relapse. im fairly certain i dont eat enough because of mentality. i struggle with at least 1 existential crisis on a weekly basis. i tried to acid/LSD to escape from my issues and that fucked with me and that trip still messes with me to this day. i dont really know how much i wanna go into and i thought itd be less stressful to use this site, but im still struggling with talking about it an earlier post mentioned limbo and it feels like im constantly in and out of it. the some days i fall back deep in. then i read some of the post here and my struggles feel so minute. Like i have no right to feel this way because others have been through worse. im not really comfortable going into what it all started with, so maybe another time i get into that. sorry if this post got on anyone’s nerve.