While wondering about having a fresh start, this question just popped in my mind.
If you could have only one memory of a certain moment in your life and forget everything else, what would it be?
While wondering about having a fresh start, this question just popped in my mind.
If you could have only one memory of a certain moment in your life and forget everything else, what would it be?
“Why did you do that?” “Why did you say that?”
Because I don’t give a fuck about my reputation, stupid. To a person who’s probably going to commit suicide soon, his/her own reputation with people must be the last thing to consider in their mind, right?
I don’t give a shit what you think about me. I’ll keep doing what I want. Shit.
My scars represent how much of a coward I have been. I punished myself for things that weren’t my fault. I was scared and depressed, I didn’t know where to go. My sexuality meant that I couldn’t tell anybody and what I went through was some shit that would surely lead to bad rumors about me.
Cutting my skin felt good, to be honest. It didn’t hurt at all. In fact, I really loved the red blood seeping through the cuts. Red symbolized that I was actually LIVING, not a lifeless zombie. I was even quite smart at minimizing the scars, because I insisted on cutting […]
I’ve long since realized that, instead of being a token to my surviving in harsh times, my cutting scars are a constant reminder of how weak I had been. I’d been so weak that I couldn’t even visit a shrink. I was so afraid that I would have so many scars that I only cut a specific spot on my arm, to minimize the scars. See, I was weak all the time. Cutting, no matter how much comfort it gave me, was never a solution to anything. It was making me weaker.
But I stopped cutting and I’m in need of a new comfort. Something that […]
Having been hating myself for a long time, I’ve decided that now is a good time to reflect on my good sides.
I’ll start first.
I have a high pain threshold.
I’m witty enough to minimize leaving scars when cutting.
I can’t tolerate hating anybody except mine.
Leave yours in the comment section.
Having lived in this stressful environment for some time, one would guess that I would become immune to pressure. Yet, today I see that I have not even a single thing I succeeded in doing. My girlfriend, well, I broke up with her, and I don’t even have a single friend that I really feel comfortable with. My whole relationship with everyone is really ruined. Also, school and work were never a thing for me. I tried extra hard for this last project, which miserably failed. Despite my best efforts, nothing, NOTHING, ever went well.
It’s rather stupid to think about suicide when the stress I […]
My parents divorced, my sister’s treating me and my mom like shit, and hey, there was never a father figure for me. Until high school, I found my father figure in a book. The reason to why I read so many books was the men I found in the books were so kind and ideal. Then, I became really attached to my mom’s boyfriend. Though I don’t think he thinks much of me, I’ve started thinking of him as my father and referred to my friends as such. I guess I tried so much to get love (which I didn’t get ) from him because […]
It all started when I started liking someone. From then, I’ve self-harmed in many many ways. When I finally got to the stage where I cut myself several times on the same spot, I stopped. The reason I stopped is I hated trying to hide the scars. I thought that stopping cutting would make the scars fade away and eventually lead me to a mentally healthier life.
Boy, was I wrong. The scars faded, but they never went away. They have been constant reminders of what I could do in times of distress. The saying “Once a cutter, always a cutter.” seems very much true.
And now.. […]
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