anyone remember this or the person who did it?
it was about 2 years ago now its really stuck with me, i wonder if theyre still here…
also sorry its sideways i dont know why it wont let me post it rightways
Yo all. Get off ma bio, nothing to see here.
Im going to bed now. (1am)
Hoping for a nightmare or weird dream, something to make me feel different and think something new or something like that.
All I can think right now is sadness and despair. Very unhealthy I would imagine. But when have I been healthy? No I want to wake up in a sweat to some crazy freak dream about some crazy thing and have a realization and or epiphany. I wish.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams, at least not me.
So I found my ten pack of blades today…
Suffice it to say, yes I statted cutting again.
At least this time its the leg not arm
And its not the blood I want to see but the pain I want to feel to know that…. that…. thats all I have at this point… I dont know anymore than that right now.
Is it better that we have the choice to say goodbye, very possibly for the last time?, Or is it better not to have a goodbye?
Really I’m sure it’s the first one. At least than you can accept when someone goes that it’s true, …maybe
I guess it’s hard either way most of the time,
“No sir, I don’t like it”
Im moving out of this house (me and mum are getting evicted (im 20 btw)) and I’ve found a damn good room for rent literally down the street and round the corner, no more than 500m (easiest move ever) so I’ll be going and its pretty good so I guess I’m doing better, its going well so far so it’s kinda forcing me into a better mood. For some reason I feel like I don’t wanna be happy, (I guess that’s pretty bad) wish I could just be all
~ *lardidaa, lardidoo, happy as a pig in poo, skibbidy da, skibbidy de, my life is all about me* ~ but no its more like
~ ^#* fuckidy de, fuckidy da, what the shit have I done so far, fuckidy be, fuckidy boo, what the hell am I to do!?¿?! *#^ ~
…yeah I’m not very good woth ryming, if I really tried to write a good poem I think I’d neck myself before making a good one.
So whats all the resta ya doing? Any little poems or anything?
Its seems everyone is having a bad time right now, I now I am, nutty is out (I really hope not for long…) I and everyone else is worried for him, I feel so low right now and yet taking my life just doesn’t seem like the thing to do.
So I will endure for nut and everyone else and for myself (not sure why¿) …but I really dont know what else to do anymore…
How is everyone by the way, I can probably assume not very well but I do want to hear from you.
I fucking hate myself im so shit at almost everything i try even when i really try i still fail. I never apply myself, im lazy, i lack enthusiasm and drive, i think too much, i dont get the simpler stuff, im fucked in the head in some way or another or multiple i just know it.
Dont bother commenting or do but im going to bed so laters peeps.
I’ve concluded that it will be my fav knife that I will use to end it. With a quick, maybe angry, jab in the neck I’ll get to watch all my red flow out like a river and feel the pleasant sting as that freeing embrace of death comes ever closer. I will enjoy thoses last moments more so than any in the past.
… so I was sitting on the couch listening ta triple J enjoying a nice coffee, right, and I’m nice and relaxed so I just put my head back and I had a sip of coffee in my mouth and when I went to swallow it I noticed a little bit of trouble like I just had to move my head (and with it my neck) down just a little bit in order to swallow, and it got me trying to drink down this drink with my head held all the way back and I just couldnt do it without the little bit of forward, more down, movement. When I tried to forcefully keep my head back and swallow I almost kinda choked (not in a normal way like some weird thing was happening with the liquid, hard to describe) and yeah I found I just couldn’t do it holding still. How slightly weird huh?¿?
I used to think that funerals were for the dead, to let them depart and celebrate their life but now I know they are just for the living, for the people to say goodbye and help mourn the loss. Thats why when I take my life I’m gonna have in the letter that I wanna be cremated because I dont want my body to be left here in the ground I want it burned away as my soul goes on.
Also whats your guys thoughts on burials/cremation??
Today I burned my arm over the boiling kettles steam it hurt and still stings but I like it now its something to occupy my mind and its not like a normal pastime or anything and now I feel like I wanna start harming again to feel the pain and take my mind somewhere else for a while this may be good or bad not too sure yet.
Hey all, I’ve known and read through SP for a little while now and have now joined.
Where do I begin. “I hate my life”, I guess would be it. I think and say this most days now and my general demeanor is usually unhappy and frustrated at the state of my life. I know my life isn’t particularly a bad one, I mean its comfortable and easy (im 20 still looking for a job (that aint likely)) I get to do lots of nothing and play games most of the time so mostly I shouldnt really complain but screw mostly, I will if I want to.
I just hate where Im at right now. People are always saying “it’ll get better, better days can be just around the corner” but that’s shit and we all know it. Things can always get worse or never get better and I’m sick of wading through the thick mud that is life as an articulated, smart individual in a place with no jobs for me, (I’m not being picky I seriously can’t seem to get one as much as I look)
Ergo no real growth can happen and I’m stuck sitting here looking at myself, hating myself (I also have a few bad body issues) and now it’s really taking tolls on my physical and mental health as well as I’m not sleeping or eating properly. And I sit here with an overactive mind that keeps telling me my life is shit. I think that each person’s life is worth as much as that individual feels and so even if others tell me mine isn’t to bad well it doesnt feel like it to me.
Around september I really started to get depressed and a little while on I began self harming, knife cuts on arm just to feel the pain, I haven’t since. Before xmas however I got quite close to ending it, with a knife to my neck and ready to open it I had and still have my letter I wrote apologizing to my mother for her having to find such a bloody mess. What stopped me most was the thought of the sadness I’d leave in my wake, on my mum and older brother, I thought I could always do it later if I wanted to. I think each persons life should be their’s to take and I certainly would still be willing to take my own at a moments notice.
So here I sit wondering why its seems so much more worth it to just end it now. I mean I know life has some great moments and the world has lots to offer but it seems that, if not just for me, it has so much more crap and hard times and undue hardship then it could ever have good times to match, I guess everyones different. I’m certainly not happy with my life so far.
So yeah, …shit. Thats all I can really say at this point.
Thanks for reading I guess.