I admit i am cruel to myself and have been unnusual and unforgiving in my self punishments. I project these reflective judgements in the reflection of the light of others despite not knowing them and their likely unnusual understanding and lack of judgement on my character. I am alone and deserve to be by my sentencing. Who would accept me. I dont allow that privilage upon myself. Why should they? I dont judge others and am empathic and considerate to others. Yet i feel they should not treat me so because of how my self unforgiveness, grudge, distain, discontent, and self cruel and unnusual correctionals.
Mutilator
Fill these hours with what we claim to be segmented days. Stuffed with arrangements, responsibilities, & ____________s we define a means as a reason. Yet in desolate isolate solitary ‘Will’ is unquenched even ill, parched & starved of purpose and enrichment. It’s an anorexic craving, ‘Desires’ stomach physically grundling & ‘Living’ a drought of sustenance. The paradox is crippling, as muscles labouring off coal combustion. Yes you’re in motion, but in the cast iron belly of your hearts engine is souly cremations. We move because we mimic the earths movement though still beneath our feet. The sun cycles as do we; work, eat, sleep, repeat. […]
Had i unpacked my shaving kit i would have cut today. Post-poned for another day i guess. Having thought of where i could without observation and without immediate tear to work functions i knew where i would. I can feel that sensation in that designated marr tingling, sirens calling, though i have not made the deserving infliction.
this void in this husk is true horror. If i could get out of this vacuum i would, least for your company. I hope i dont lose who i was through this black hole that my soul has imploded. I dont think i will be the same on the other side. Thank you for being there when i was the person you met. My soul is internally ripping as the earth into this vacuuming flesh container of which nothing can escape: forests removed tree by tree as hair folicals as oxygen rips from hydrogen the oceans deplete along with my breathe.