Neon Tree

Norma wore a fatsuit/ and that’s a caricature of me waiting for someone… Realizing this now. Haha if only

Not different…. Fatsuit…..  Best part… The mob had no idea why they were saying what they were saying… No sweat I was trolled by an old woman in theory

I remember these hard days –  ^this clown’s sick of quarantine^
4-24-2020  /    Back then I had a crush on this girl – I dreamed up this like, not crazy-vindictive person. Someone smart- It ended so badly. I kept spotting her in different places. She’s from out of state. but I tried to look ahead and mind my own business anyway. and This is why ignoring your gut is bad… what a narcissist.  She set all of that up to call me deformed and trash. A guy saying her name, like it’s funny – at her age… – and she’s present everytime. There are so many theories to tack onto this… but that’s just denial, I think. I’m not really upset about it anymore, but I think it’s worth noting – someone like her isn’t above and beyond in an-y-thing. She was just a gossipy piece of trash. I can accept that part-

It’s time to revisit the classic literary works I used to love.

Sidenote-Anyone ever been to an abandoned building knowing it was a treasure lost to time? For me, it was a small opera house with dark red curtains, a long time ago.

Back then, I was all about that. Exploring the ages. It was exciting- My friend’s great grandfather built a bomb shelter himself- he prepared for everything. I remember the technicolor orange that filled the room- so ugly – and how small it was… it had a ladder to a secret tunnel, all the way to the surface. Standing in the yard, you wouldn’t notice the cement chickencoop shaped storage thing was an escape hatch-

Nice shoes or nice teeth?

lol^

and discovery is the mouth of a cave draped in vines, deep in the forest, untouched by anyone else.
I miss this feeling – Roaming aimlessly with a nervousness- and the abyss of feeling lost –
You always win something. You find something, and it’s gorgeous. The evergreen moss, the massive jaws drooling in the pouring rain. A chamber that breathes and echoes- a sweet reverberation. A hive you want to fill with candlelight and dark red wine. Still, it would feel empty- this imaginary place. The moss and woodwork are alive and on the outside – the thick flow of thriving life. Wood rots and enriches the soil, but cannot thrive beyond that.  And you could imagine, a glimpse through a dust covered window or impossible storm of fog, a marble tomb remains, and life remains. Who couldn’t want that ideology? That a sea full of stars will never disappear. That a marble tomb can bring you more company than an empty cave. Who could feel happy admitting that God couldn’t exist? Why wouldn’t they imagine the endless possibilities- it makes a person feel whole.
The marble tomb – a catholic church – the sacrament. I miss this place, it felt warm. I wish more than anything that being a homo wouldn’t damn me from it – ha – and the best part is a catholic will never tell you you don’t belong there – that’s a baptist/methodist’s job… but the rule is understood. I’ve been ashamed to return, and I probably never will. A new church – a massive tomb-  possibly – now that the truth is completely out –