When I do die, I don’t want anybody to miss me. I don’t want people to cry over me. I don’t want tears if sorrow shed because I’m not herw anymore. I want people to try and find good things about my life and smile at my death. I am not worth crying over. I am not worty anybody’s pity. I am not worth anybody’s sadness. I am not worth anybody’s anger. I am not worth anything. I am nothing and that is why I deserve to die. I am a disappointment and that is why I chose to leave. I am useless and that […]
I messed up again. Said one little wrong thing cause I was frustrated and back to being the family disappointment. Just to top fucking up things with my mom again, my brother is getting pulled into the crossfire of my mom’s anger. He hasn’t done anything wrong but of course, our mom’s anger is enough for two. Why do I always happen to screw things up? I know things for my friends and family would be so much better without me but I just can’t seem to end it. I’m too scared. I don’t fear death, not normally but the moment I stare it in […]
Things seem to be going really good for me right now. My boyfriend and I are in a happy relationship. I’m finally starting to feel comfortable in my body. I’m spending more time with my friends. My grades are good. So why am I still so anxious and paranoid? Everytime things go right for me, something bad happens and I don’t wanna lose everything I have again. I’m just so scared that I’m going to mess something up.
Ever since I was really little I’ve been known to space out and sometimes I’d space out for so long that I kinda just disconnected from everything and I couldn’t remember where I was. During my middle school years it wasn’t as severe but recently it’s started to get really bad again and it’s starting to scare me. I’ve had so many gaps in my memories lately and I can’t focus on anything. I constantly feel tired no matter how much sleep I get as well. What’s wrong with me?
I can’t ever seem to do anything right. I’m falling behind in school. I keep forgetting to do my chores. Every little thing I do is viewed as a mistake by my mom. My brother is always the perfect one. The miracle. Why can’t she love me like that for once? Why does she always yell at me? Maybe I really am just doing something wrong. Maybe I really am the disappointment that she sees when she looks at me. I just want it all to end.