yes i want to be anorexic. and yes i know it is a eating disorder, a disease, and a serious condition blah blah blah. but why not support those who want to starve and die that way? why support the ones who already have it when obviously most of them dont even want help and just die from it anyway? i am not asking for anyone to school me on what it is, how dangerous it is, and how i cant just “get it” because i want it. i do know that some disorders are brought on by certain things that happens in life whether that be trauma, addictions, or just bad habits or whatever. so anorexia can be created within a person, no one is actually “born” with it. its not a gene, its a seed sown into someones pysch. or so i think it is in most cases. i came up with the conclusion that i cant choose it but i sure can produce it. and if theres anyone here that was or is currently anorexic that has a few ideas or tips on what may have caused their disorder, please do share with me. i dont care if i have to get raped to become anorexic, i dont care about what happens to me, i wanna die anyway so i am just living for the heck of it right now until i get the guts to kill myself. and since the shooting myself in the head thing isnt going so well with me, the best secretive way i could kill myself right now is to starve myself to death. i heard anorexia is very effective in fatality but slow and painful. as long as my insides arent blowing up or being ripped out, i think this would be the only painful and slow death i would tolerate.Â i cant live anymore. its not my life that i hate, its myself. i cant stand to live in this disgusting body anymore. people please dont write hate comments or be mad at me, im not trying to offend anyone but if i did so please forgive me. i am just so upset about my body and myself that i am willing to do the most torturous things to it in silence so no one will try to stop me this time. im tired of meds and doctors and hospitals, i just want to kill myself in peace. i ask for forgiveness from God almost everyday but i just feel like he’ll never love me again. i cant help how i just want to torture and kill myself so much, i seriously cant control it. so whats the point of asking for forgiveness for it if you know its never going to stop, the only way to stop it is death. why keep living when all you do is unintentionally be so cruel and disrespectful towards something God blessed you with, where you unintentionally just keep showing how ungrateful and pathetic you are towards your creator. im sorry but i must put an end towards disrespecting God, and since medicine cant help me, i gotta do it myself. so please somebody tell me how to be anorexic!
also i want to say, to those who have this horrible disease, if i could, i would rather i have it instead of you guys. those who survived it or are trying to get thru it, i show nothing but love for you. no one deserves to suffer, you guys are very beautiful and so i just wish you all well. and for me, i am a very contradictive personality, so please excuse my contradictions if there are any. i do tend to care for others more than myself, i have so much empathy and compassion for others while i share non for myself, nor do i really care for others to have any for me either, but i know my family does anyway, and thats ok. it would be better if they didnt because i am truly a person undeserving of anyone elses care and love so i have and never will ask for it again. i have found where i cant love myself or even hate myself. i have grown tired of myself. so off with my lights….and thank you for reading