Well hey im 15 and tonight i told my mum what i’ve thinking for 4 years.. i wanted to disappear. Its not like i want to die or commit suicide, also i just hate the word suicide and people say “commit” suicide, it sounds like its a crime, but its not.
Well so I told my mind that I was just so sick and tired of life and didnt wanted to do anything. I just want to fade away and disappear. And if I do die I want to die by someone else or by an accident. So I don’t have to feel horrible by making my family sad. It wasn’t there fault that I want to disappear, they loved me so much and gave a such an amazing childhood, so I don’t want them to think that I committed suicide cause of them. And if I say I actually have a quite perfect life. Its not that my family is broken nor I’m getting bullied at school, I have quite a lot of friends actually.
But I just feel lonely, even though I’m surrounded by people, I feel lonely and alone. Well its also kind of my fault that I feel loney, its because I never let people come in deeply into my life. I never really told my friends about my problems, I didn’t want them to know that I’m screwed up and broken. I didn’t want them to judge me. But I like it when people tell me about their problems, I like to listen to them and tell them solutions.
Well this is just another pointless paragraph. Thank you if you made it to the end.