I had a rough day today. I am choosing to see the good in this world. I am choosing to see the good in my life. I am choosing to see the good in myself.
This week, for different reasons, i took major time out for myself. especially today. i felt SO much joy and felt positive. life is blurry and complicated. so you have to make time for yourself and your well being. if anyone is not okay this, they may not be good for you at that time. or at all. take time out for yourself, try to uplift yourself. noone else can do this for us. if your suicidal and depressed, what do you have to lose?
positive thinking makes me feel good, even during tough times
To everyone here who is positive, even if its just to change our perspectives and attitudes: Wow, you all are greatly appreciated and i think of you all in my dark hours. I am inspired to improve my attitude, working on my life as much as possible. Even though there are now easy answers at times, just trying to be upbeat is an amazing gift. the world can be grey, dark, heartless, and blue. so many suffer pointlessly. people dont care or judge, use, and can prey on you. Okay, lets try to shift our mood. ive read many people who are or have been homeless on here, but that is not who they are. they have learned to value themselves, and some have gotten out of it. i dont know, hope im not offending anyone. find something positive and productive, and fight for it! fight for your joy!
im too scared (brave?) to commit suicide at this point. i really never did want that. i want to live and live well. but living can be hard when your poor, bad neighborhood, unemployed, getting older, sick, unloved, and judged. i have a good chance at my life improving, my life probably isnt even that bad. maybe im just a lazy whiner. i dont know. i have learned the worst things that are happening in life right now are things most dont know about, and people who have been through such can never talk about. a person cant come up to me saying how they were bullied at school or at work or are homeless or something, i wouldnt feel comfortable. i hate that but its true. 🙁 so i understand i must carry or sink with my burdens alone. if anyone on here can understand any of this rambling, feel free to let me know. hope EVERYONE on here life improves. you all deserve to have your dreams realized.
i have joined some online groups about loneliness and such. i need to find the courage to go on there. and to make myself known. my real life is….well….not going that well…but if i can make some friends online (outside of Facebook and twitter, i deleted those accounts), then who knows? maybe my life can feel more meaningful and such meeting other troubled souls. i like it here too, but im trying to improve my real life and get away from thinking about suicide type things when im down. its still very possible for me to improve my life, so i dont want to give up just yet! i just completed a college degree in what i believe is a good field, maybe i can obtain a job and keep it long term! to all those under 29 on here, please be strong! you have your whole lives ahead of you! i mean that! please if you can make friends and keep up with them, so as you get older you still have positive friends and people who care about you ( i dont really have that). thanks and God bless you all!
im back on here, having a rough time recently. ending it all might be a relief, i need to be positive though. i will be after i vent some. life is tough and cheap where im from and i guess i didnt make the best choices with education and jobs. trying hard though. might get my own spot but it wont be in the best area. if i can get through this process of getting my own government subsidized housing, i can work on other avenues of my life (like getting a job long term). im probably too old to be on here. its not cool or trendy to be considering this at my age, but whatever. just lonely and frustrated. being an only child as an adult sucks, not really a good support system. ok, time to put my brave face back on for the few people in my life who actually care about me.
just came from the doctor’s last week. its the same story… i will remain positive….but i wish modern medicine could help heal me more…. i will work hard to not even think suicidal…. and to surrond myself with love and kindness
i refuse to give up on my life….no matter that i having im having trouble right now…i just hate feeling so alone…
this pain is cold. i want another child but i may not be able to have one. its not fair. my life is so empty.
im really hurting today. i know my health issue doesnt have to be permanent, and that when i save up money, or get the right doctor, i can be fixed. except im poor and live in a small city. i am very educated, but work in a poor job. im 30. im tired.
but im scared of living
Is religion real? if so, which one? i was raised christian, and i still am even after everything that has happened. I believe he was around to save the world. But many religions have key figures. What the heck? what does it all mean? does it even matter to try and figure this stuff out? does heaven exist in any form? Im poor, we dont ask ourselves these kinds of questions, we just try to keep living. I honestly dont want to live anymore (if i cant get my health issues fixed, or find a job), but what is the point of it all? i guess these are questions for someone else, not for me.
homelessness, chronic unemployment,prison, death, or living with abusive family. bad health (that can be fixed), and a bad life. all because im on only child, im poor, and i spent years in college instead of a job. i had so much to offer the world. doesnt mater anymore, now all that matters is whether there is an afterlife or not. i accept my fate (though i still am fighting for a decent job). oh yes, most black men end up dead or in prison. why do you think that is? i didnt beat the odds. i accept my fate. i hope the afterlife is painless.
my mind isnt racing, and it feels nice. i think alot of my problems are indeed mental illness. im working on taking my meds consistently, and also getting my health issues worked on also. But i realize that my mood swings, racing mind, and all that is a part of mental illness that i refused to acknowledged. I chose to hopefully be a high functioning bipolar person (and keep working on my health issues). i hope this mood stays. it is such a relief. (i still miss my libido though).
my life matters. to my girlfriend and her son anyway. i am fighting for them. also, im scared of death. doctors might be able to help me one day. i will keep looking for a job, and not end it all just yet. maybe never.
im sorry everyone for posting so much. i am trying to get help for my health issues. just know that i have my reasons. keep fighting the good fight.
so i am thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 10 years to focus on finding a good job with my education. She is all i had. trust me i wont find someone else to love me. just trust me (just trust me). I am focused on finding a good job soon, or im ending my life. Its that simple. if i find a job, i will contact her. she is not focused on a job, and it is hurting me to stay with her right now. im totally alone. i want to live, so im giving myself 2 years to find a good job, or im ending my life. i refuse to be homeless. i miss her already. also, i will focus on improving my chronic health issues, and improving my mental health. i will stay in contact with her, and her son (who i consider my own). 2 years, and then im done with my life. So, i will work REALLY hard to find a job. i will end my life through electrocution if i dont find a job. im not joking here. please, i live in America. if anyone has any leads, i can tell u my education and experience. Im very sad about all this, but its time for me to be strong.
i need resources to help me find a quality job. if anyone has knowledge on resources to help me, please let me know. seriously. i can send my email address (to anyone who is serious)), and tell you what i kind of training i have. please let me know, thanks a bunch.
i have to convince myself that i not trying hard enough and using my chronic illness as an ecuse to give up, not try, and be unhappy. If i dont, my girlfriend who i love dearly will leave me. I cannot talk about my chronic illness, and my attempts to cope with it. I must listen to her vent and say that i dont listen to her, that i dont love her or her son, that im selfish and all that. Its fine. I do use my chronic illness as an excuse. Im not truly trying hard. I was giving up, and saying that “i cant overcome” instead of saying that “i can do anything” I will work harder to be in an upbeat mood, because my selfishness will leave me alone. I will overcome. I can do this. I love her. No more complaining. Also, if she needs to vent and i feel its not fair, i just must deal with it. I must practice my smile as well. If im going to live for others, i must try harder, before they tire of me and my selfishness. can do this.