Most people looking into my life would think I have everything, A happy marriage, 4 beautiful children, a good education and a decent job but….. My happy marriage is anything but happy. We’ve been together 15 years, literally half my life. He says he loves me but his actions prove otherwise. He recently reported me to police saying I was selling the pain meds I got from a doctor. Not true. Well, now police are saying I could go to prison for 20 years. I can’t prove I didn’t do this but Florida law says just having a script filled is trafficking. For the past month, I just go through the motions waiting for the day the police will come to haul me off to jail. I feel like I’m in a fog I cant find my way out of. I’ve cut off all contact with my so-called “friends” I have even stopped talking to most of my family. They don’t care. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I try to think positively but end up finding it pointless. I know everyone will be better off without me. I’m just a burden to them. I’m never happy. I want to spend time with my kids but I find myself pushing them away. I already have a plan to end it and all the supplies I need, I’m just deciding on a place and time. More than likely I will get a hotel on the beach somewhere. I will watch the waves until I drift peacefully off. I’ve written down all my family’s favorite recipes and wrote many letters to each of my children to be open on certain days in the future, such as birthdays, weddings, babies and so on. There is only one letter to my husband, thanking him for doing absolutely nothing while he watched me sink into this deep depression. I don’t blame him really, He doesn’t love me anymore, so as a result, he doesn’t notice. it wont matter soon anyway.
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