Does anyone from before remember this person in SP?
I have been taken advantage of, because I empathise. Well, we all would have gone through this and learn a lesson at some point. But I never learn and it hurts, I don’t know how to change that part of me.
In my last post I had told about my friend who was diagnosed with some “fatal disease”, turns out it’s her imagination. I still pity her, I tried to calm her down and said I’d be there for her. I offered to fly across countries if her abusive husband wasn’t supportive. She had appendicitis and got it fixed this week. She had no insurance and asked me to send her money for the operation. I was busy at work with no time to look at my phone or even take a lunch break. She was annoyed bcz I didn’t reply for 45 mins. I understood her situation so I didn’t say a word and replied “I sent the money”. That was the last text in the conversation.
I had texted for the next 8 hrs to get to know her condition, if she was alright and stuff. She doesn’t bother to reply. I still think she must be not in a position to pick her phone, IDK. Don’t I deserve a text to have helped her in emergency or at least some one who cares?
I have been “used” by almost everyone I let in my life. Yet no one ever cares I am there for them while my tears are still unwiped.
I am returning to the site after a year now. After repeatedly failing in everything I did, I luckily moved to a better place last year and I met a guy despite my insecurities and trust issues. He treated me with so much disrespect even after knowing all that I went through. He has no remorse of his mean behaviour. After dating for 8 months on and off, he trashed me. I have a very low self esteem right now and living alone with no friends or family is driving me to my dark place again. This may sound nonsensical, but after a very long time I let someone in and they destroyed me over and over again.
Why do some people never get to see happiness? My best friend who is living thousands of miles away from me has been recently diagnosed with the early symptoms of a fatal disease and I can’t even convince her. Why do some people have to be hurt so much physically, mentally AND emotionally in repeat mode?
It’s been a while I opened my mouth to talk. No interactions, no hellos, not even fake smiles. The silence is so loud that it’s hurts to hear my breath. Id appreciate even if someone yells at me. Even if I go to work, there’s no one that knows me. I walk in, sit in a corner with my headset on, walk out.
I’m that lonely.
How lonely are you?
How does it feel to be successful? I mean, even the smallest things like having friends around you, being able to remember things, getting even the smallest jobs ‘done’ in your everyday routine, having a social life, passing a day without crying, being able to smile, sleeping in the night wanting to wake up the next morning, having someone that loves you. It must be a great feeling.
I just wish I have any of these. Or just someone, just SOMEONE around me to escape the suicidal thoughts. I have been inside my apartment for the past one week, no human interaction, in absolute silence. No clock ticking, no noise from the outside world, all I could hear is my sound of my breath, lying lifeless and thoughtless. I am convinced my life will never improve no matter how hard I try. I have a strong feeling my end is so close.
I have been slowly losing my memory I always knew this. I had difficulty remembering small things like what breakfast I ate or what dress I wore to work today. Now, I can’t remember things at work. I don’t have colleagues or friends at work. I go with my mouth shut and come back to my lonely apartment and stay awake until I can’t hold my eyes open.
Rn I don’t remember anything. It’s like a complete wipeout. I am all I have and I’m afraid I might be jobless once again. Last night I went to the rooftop garden in my apartment and wanted to jump off the building. Not like I’m sad or anything it’s just that I don’t fear dying and don’t see why I am alive.
The memory loss has started to scare me now. I don’t remember anyone I am so detached from everything and everyone around me. I’m glad I could pour all this here in SP.
I am completely exhausted with the constant fear of life, never ending failures, loneliness, and my forgetfulness (as a result of my depression for years). I need someone who understands my depression and be supportive. I know its so lame to want a virtual thing, cause irl i can’t find someone like me. And the few normal people I get to talk to think I am crazy. All I ask is for someone to show me a little love but I don’t have anyone around me, I mean literally.
Does anyone else feel me?
What should I do to have a little love and not be hurt?
Em was my Friend from SP. I haven’t heard from her since August. I’m crying Em, I just wish you send me one small note that you’re ok.
I got banned from a hospital today. Yeah! amazing isn’t it?
Ive been suffering from severe physical pain (don’t wana get into details) for the past two months. I went to a hospital and they charged me $400 for the one time consultation (including X-ray but no medicines).
I went back last week to get my report and I told the reception lady that I’m not feeling any better. She adviced me to visit the doctor again and that I will not be charged for a follow up. I am cheap af so I wanted to visit the doc just to tell him that I’m still going through pain (I don’t have to pay right?!).
My doc did not know what is my problem he googled some stuff right in front of me and said “do ultrasound” I was like ok and almost got my taxi back to work. But the taxi guy cancelled on me so I went back inside the hospital so I could wait until I got another one. The lady in the reception called out my name and said pay $150.
WTF! Seriously why? Went through arguments and they called the doc. He was so rude and told me “it’s not my problem, pay and leave, I will not treat you and we will not be in touch with you anymore”
No words to say. I did not pay though. I said it’s the hospital staff that gave me the wrong information and just left.
I do not have anyone to pour my frustration on so sry for the useless story.
My manager at work called me and asked if I’m going on a vacation to mark my holidays. Looks like everyone in my office is going on holidays to different places, along with their family or friends, for leisure. I sounded so pathetic. Am I the only one that’s gon go to work when no one else does?
I don’t even know if I should go somewhere just because everyone else is going.
I just surfed the internet for the islands around the place I live. They all look spectacular but what am I gonna do there? Get more depressed about my life in an island?
What are you guys going to do* for “holidays”?? ?
*apart from dying
No offence to the people who live in this city. I’m just sharing my feelings.
I moved to this place recently for work. I just wana know what is so weird about me that the locals stare at me like a weird animal or something everywhere I go. It’s so upsetting. When I first came here, I was so annoyed with their behaviour and tried to convince myself that it’s just because im new here I felt that way.
NO. They still look at me like this. They stare and comment something about me to their partner/or whoever is next to them and laugh. It’s so frustrating to go in public. I stay in my room all weekend and don’t go to get grocery either.
If there’s anyone that is lonely, got no one else to talk to, feel unloved, please do send me an email at nutjobcantlove[at]gmail.com Because I am lonely af, I got no one to talk to, and feel so unloved 🙁
The only Friend I had from SP hasn’t texted me for 3 months now. I assume she quit just as she had been telling me for the past 5 months. I tried my best to keep her spirits up I miss her 🙁 I still write to her though I know I will never get a reply.
Idk how many of you are getting pissed reading the title but I’m desperately in need of motivation to live. The pressure in my head is too extreme that I could feel it in my ears and eyes. I opened this site to post this last night but I had no strength physically and mentally to pick up my phone.
I have always been a giver and never received anything back. All I ask for is a little love, a little, to escape from all the pain I’ve been going thro for 16 yrs now. I am always alone idk why.
I finally got a job after so many failures but less pay. I’m in a new country now where ppl speak a different language and no one understand English. I do not want to live here but there’s no other way for me to survive.
Everyday is painful. I am too tired doing everything all by myself. All my life I’ve been truthful and loyal to people. All I got back was lies and cheating and pain. Im scared to let anyone close to me now. Every man I tried to be friends with, wants to sleep with me. Is that how it works everywhere? Or am I so dumb to understand this world?
I just want some love that doesn’t hurt. Idk how some ppl can hurt the ones that love them. I can never do that to anyone.
I’ve noticed in most of the failure posts no one seems to blame God as me. Instead you just pray that you get better. I’m feeling awkward because I’m the only one that is angry on God for everyday that I’m alive. I am bad and I totally take it cause I was pushed to this.
You know, everytime something bad happens we are tuned up to think maybe it’s for good maybe God is working on me to give me something better. I tell you what I have found none of my failures worth living.
I’ve been in mental stress since 11. It’s been 18 years now and I am not able to understand why bad, and only bad things happen to me. I am bad luck and it spreads like it’s contagious or something. Anything I try I fail and lose big time. I wouldn’t blame me cause I did all that I can do.
When I hear people say “God wouldn’t forgive anyone that kill themselves” I wana know why he wouldn’t do something about our miseries or atleast mitigate the intensity? I just feel like I’m a puppet that gets played. When I lose I look up and say “you’re laughing at me aren’t you?!”
Ive lost my faith and do not believe in any miracles. He will let me down even after I die.
I was broken already and got fired last year. After a really long struggle I got a job. I have been waiting to get my visa for the past 6 months. Today I got a response that I’m not through.
I am speechless. I have done everything I can do but failure slaps me pretty hard everytime.
No money no home. No self esteem no motivation.
Just irrecoverable pain.
Is anyone awake??
I am back on SP after several months and nothing about me changed. I am still jobless, broke, lonely, amnesiac and suicidal.
And all these days that I tried to act normal and talk to people, I was judged and framed. I haven’t stepped out of my room for weeks now. Its like a prison that I put myself into and my mind refuses to let go off.
Normal people scare me.
What do you do with yourself when you got nothing else to do, like full-time? I am losing my mind. I just have SP open in my computer and reading through all the posts. I am not interested in anything at all, or probably don’t know what would one do in my situation.
I, literally, have “nothing” to do.
-I don’t want to hangout with friends (cuz its gon’ end up like a therapy session)
-I can’t go out of my room cuz I don’t want to interact with humans
-I don’t have a play station
I wonder if there could be someone like me so useless :/
I was expecting something positive to happen over this week and now that Friday is already over I completely lost hope. I am ashamed to face people and face myself. I have no idea how I would survive the weekend. The meds have already been making me tired for the past two days and I feel totally sick now. I just want to dig a hole to jump in and disappear forever. I am a bigtime failure. I gave my best but life slaps me harder than I can take.
I just ordered my sleeping pills for the first time. I have been feeling xtremely suicidal after I lost my job and seeing the love of my life married to someone else. I have a feeling that there is nothing I do to screw things up but it somehow gets it’s own way out there. I have failed relationships in the past and it took me years to get back to a normal life (though I was stressed out of the “worthless” feeling Everyday). I stopped talkin to my friends as they keep saying the same crap that “things will get better” and the ‘shallow talk’ that I can’t imagine hearing anymore. I have been in this state of depression and lonliness for ten years now. Now I’m in the middle of nowhere and feel completely worthless. Most of us face these situations I understand I just can’t put it in words. Ive been strong for a very long time and I’m broken and damaged that I want to give up. Every Friend I see has something to hold on to or feel supportive or be happy about despite the problems they face. But I just don’t have anything like them. Ppl around me say they have no words to console me cuz they have been watching my life’s getting worse every single day. I wish the pills take me off that I never have to face this betraying selfish world that makes me a loser every single day.