Sometimes I wonder why haven’t I finished it all. Nothing helps anymore, I’m with friends and I feel so alone. I drink and I don’t feel anything. This numb feeling is taking every inch of my body. What’s the point? Why am I still in this world that never felt like home to me?
I have BPD. Every few weeks I get angry at my boyfriend (Without a real reason) to the point that I break up with him and I tell him really hurtful things. I’m 25 and he’s 22, he’s really understanding all the time and he has the sweetest soul I’ve ever met. He knows that I have bpd and I’ve tried to push him away many times because I’m scared to hurt him. Everytime I have a breakdown I break up with him and block him on every social media and the next morning I regret everything I said and feel really bad. Honestly I don’t want to break up, but this is happening so often, it’s like I can’t control myself at all when I tell him hurtful things and break up. Yesterday was the worse episode I’ve had with him and I called him names and I kind of made fun of him. He’s really angry at me. I just don’t know if it’s for the best to accept that he’ll be better off without someone like me in his life and let him go. Because knowing myself at this point, I can’t even promise that I won’t do this again to him, and in an even worse and more hurtful way. It sucks to admit that I’m scared of myself and scared to hurt him. Anyone has some advice? Pls
I’m so tired of pushing everyone I love away, I don’t get how can I be so scared to be lonely yet I push away everyone that cares about me and has a big part in my life. It sucks to not understand your own feelings, it sucks to loose yourself slowly and not knowing who you are anymore after so many years of suffering in silence
i just wish I could be the person everyone expects me to be, but I’m nothing more than a big failure in everything.
I don’t want to be too negative. Maybe it does get better, maybe life gets better and the pain becomes bearable, but you have to act on time, otherwise it will be too late. And I really think it’s f*cking late for me.
I started a relationship two days ago, I’ve been single for one year and 8 months and in this time I went into the worst time of my depression, I was hospitalized in a me talk ward for 4 months because of suicide attempt and I had an extreme weight gain. I literally look like the worst version of myself at this moment. I have the worst self esteem ever and my insecurities are demons that literally don’t let me live a normal life. I still want to kill myself everyday, but I’m not planning to do it anytime soon. The point is that despite of all this, I found someone that actually wants me, that sees a future with me and think I am girlfriend material. Someone that thinks I’m pretty and makes me feel special. And after only two days, I want to break up…not because of him, just because I feel I will never be enough, he deserves so much better, i am the literal definition of train wreck as a person. So I KNOW that the best thing to do would break off and that I’m better off alone.
But for some reason I don’t do it
oh well idk what to say anymore. I hope you are okay wherever you’re reading this from
How do you cope with being lonely?
I find myself making plans and then cancel them because of social anxiety and depression.
Tonight is Halloween and I was supposed to go out with people but I canceled on them and now I feel like a fucking loser. It’s been happening a lot lately and each time I feel more and more lonely.
and the feeling of being lonely sucks. I am a sucker for (love) company.
So, how do you deal with being alone?
This two excuses together will save you from anything in the eyes of society.
Hi guys, I hope youre doing at least okay, can you recommend movies like Its kind of a funny story? That talk about depression/suicide but are not necesarilly dark and sad all the time….
Once again here I am, sad and alone. Just bought a bottle of wine and Im putting sad songs on spotify. It feels like it never ends, I can have 3-4 months where I feel okay and I think life could be worth living. But nope. I always come back to this, to spend days avoiding people, feeling useless, binge eating, wasting my best years. I dont know what to do with my life.
Hope youre having a better weekend than this girl here
I would like to know what do you think/how do you feel about the fact that avicii oficially killed himself, I wasnt his biggest fan but I liked him as an artist, but for some reason I feel incredibly sad because of his dead and it was the first time I cried because a famous person died.
Its crazy how everything changes, last year I wouldnt stop going out on weekends, careless and having fun. Now I barely go out, have lost friendships because I dont like to meet up and my only company is wine. Im wasting my young adult years and I will regret it so bad in the future, wish I would have the strenght to end it all for once.
F*ck depression and social anxiety
Im so dissapointed in myself, I let my ex play with me and used me so many times, He lied to me SO MUCH, mislead me, treated me literally like his toy. I cant believe I trusted him and I cant believe that knowing the kind of person he is and that hes not gonna change, Im still not over him and still want him to come back and magically everything will be perfect. Like wtf is wrong with me, its been 3 weeks since we finally stopped talking AT ALL after an on and off relationship of one year and a half, a VERY intense one. Here I am crying because I remember the lies he told me and how much it hurts, it really burns my heart to think about it and to think that maybe hes with another girl in this very moment. I feel so much hate in my heart for him, normally I dont have hard feelings for my exs but I have so much anger right now, cant stop wishing the worst for him and cant help it. I hope this is just a phase because I dont like having so much hate for someone. Any tips on getting over someone/healing my heart or books or videos that could help? (I already cut all contact with him and blocked him on all social media)
Im back with the suicidal toughts. I had the best boyfriend I could ever had, he is the happiest person ever so it was hard for him to deal with my depressions but he tried so hard everyday. This last week we were on holidays in Barcelona and we were in the exact place of the terrorist attack. It could have been me, I could have died, finally. But no, instead, like always, a bunch of people who probably love life die. That night I got drunk with the spanish wine and my boyfriend and I had a fight. It got really bad and he hit me on the face. I cried so hard and then wishing that terrorist van would have run over me. I wanted to die so bad. He asked sorry but he said he couldnt take my mood changes and depressions anymore so we broke up, we still had 3 days more in Spain. On the third day he acted like he wanted me back the entire day JUST to have sex with me. After we did it he completely ignored me again. I never felt so used in my life. On the way back I prayed so hard that the airplane would crash and only kill me. Funny how the first the pilot said “Im happy to announce that this is a brand new aircraft so we are super safe”. Kill me please. Anyways, here I am crying in my room eating chocolate, just texted my ex begging to try it again. Im so pathetic, I just have the feel that I need him, because Im alone in this country. and I have just like one friend so theres no one else to support me here, we used to do everything together and god Im so dependant on relationships. I wish I wouldnt be like these.
I have been depressive for 4 years…trying to pretend im not and hiding it from my family and friends. I have been living in a new country for 2 years and the people i have met have moved to cities far away from me so im left with any friends here…it sucks to feel alone and i dont know what to do to find new friends, its kind of hard for me to give the first step when it comes to socializing…but i think I also need someone to talk to in real life who kind of understands how I feel, someone like you guys who read this, i wish i could meet you and help each other and create a friendship to save our lives. I wish it could be that easy. But I know i will keep being alone for a long time. It sucks not being a social person and having anxiety.
If you have someone you can be honest with and talk about depression, suicidal toughts and fears face to face, appreciate it…I wish I had.
Have a good night lovely people….