the lower i fall the more constructive i get.
today i had a very weird day. i slept quite well and woke up confused with a blank mind. eventually, after few hours, i started to wonder what happened, what would normally end up in my mind if it didn’t go blank.
i recalled, that yesterday, before falling asleep, after about an hour of thinking, i concluded, that i could still kill myself, solely in an act of rebellion against fate and myself.
so then, when i woke up, i was that constructive version of me, that the version of me from the night before would want to kill. and i think: this is not good. this is dangerous, what if i end up getting DID from this?
about two months ago, i started to seek a curse in every blessing, and a blessing in every curse.
i don’t watch youtube much at all. but today i watched one video, in which a dude shot himself in a foot with karma. and i think: what the heck, this is not at all how any of this is supposed to work, why would anyone do this to themselves. these are lethal doses of human misery.