I never want to feel this ever again I want it to go away. I feel broken and pitiful. I cringe when I see myself and I hate myself so much. I hate living everyday I absolutely hate it and I want to die I want it to be over I want to die so much and I can’t do it myself and I hate myself even more for that and I want to go away forever and never return to this feeling inside this feeling of lonliness and despair and sure hatred for myself. It worrsens everyday and I can’t talk to anyone I juat can’t bring myself to actually walking up to someone and telling them whats happened to me and how I never want to feel this feeling again. Never Again……
My friend told me she cuts herself and I told her I did so too but she only does it cause she’s bored, for me I do it because I believe my world is coming to an end and she hits me and treats me like crap now that she knows I do it not because I’m bored and she’s cchecking me and I hate this, telling her made it worse and now I want to die even more than before.
How is it that I have parents and siblings who love me friends who care for me and good grades nothing bad yet I still want to die and I compare my life to others who have the complete opposite of mine and they want to live but they have such slim chances of that. I want to die I’m not happy ever and I feel so guilty for thinking and feeling all of this when so many people would give anything for what I have. I hate feeling this way it makes me feel worse and I don’t know what to do with my life now?
It’s hard talking to people about my feelings, people I know,Â and I act happy and nice in front of everyone when really I’m not. I’m fat, mean, gross, rude, repulsive, disgusting,Â greasy, and people hate me because of this. My body looks gross and disgusting it makes me want to puke everytime I see it and I hate seeing all these beautiful people at school and then comparing them to me, it makes me hate myself so much more. Seeing all these skinny, pretty girls and seeing this fat, ugly thing walk by them it’s disgusting. I have noÂ good qualities and I’mÂ pretty much worthless to the world.Â Why is it so hard to be happy? I see so many people who justÂ look happy and please with their life. Why is it so hard to like and accept yourself forÂ who you are? I hateÂ myself and I hate when people stare and when they point and talk about me. I know I’m disgusting and I know IÂ can never be something in the world. Why is it so hard to live a good life and beÂ proud of the accomplishments you made in it? Â Why is it so hard……..
My Grandma and I were really close she and my Grandpa lived in our basement and everyday I would go down and hang out with her then she had to move to a home, because of her parkingsons, and I didn’t see herr as often and it was hard seeing her there, unable to move, eat, or talk. A year later she died and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through she was my best friend and now I will never see her again and I hurt all the time everywhere and it never stops it’s been about a year now and everyone seems totally fine and here I am in so much pain and in never subsides. I want it to end I want to forget her and everything that could ever cause this pain again to just go away. I’m scared of getting close to people now, what happens if they leave me like she did? what happens if I never get over my grandma and I feel this pain forever? when will it end?
I cut myself all the time every where, I hate my body it’s so ugly and fat and disgusting, I want it all to stop! my family doesn’t understand and I feel lost and alone all the time I try to kill myself everyday and it never works, I don’t want to be here and I want all of this to end but I don’t have enough courage to do it myself. I abuse and torment my body and I can’t seem to stop. My body is filled with scars and I can’t hide them even if I do it doesn’t mean they’re not there they haunt me and it hurts all the time and it never seems to stop.