They Call Me Amy

Hi again everyone, never thought I would write this title

I really thought I’ve found the love of my life almost 3 years ago, we were going to get married in 6 months, then he suddenly told me that he didn’t love me anymore 2 weeks ago, that I wasn’t his best friend and that he cheated on me with this girl from work. He told me horrible thing and treated me so badly, now he tells me that he loves her and they are together.

I cant Express the hurt I am feeling, I am not able to wish this on anyone. Today he told me that my depression was part of the reason we broke up, because it put a lot of pressure on him. I am broken in so many ways, I started self harming again, smoking again and feeling this urge to end everything.

I really thought I had someone who loved me for who I am. But well, guess who is not worthy of love? Me. I was really dumb thinking that I could have a family, you know?

I spent a lot of money with the wedding, and now all my plans are gone. I spent a lot of time preparing things instead of studying for my medical residency exam, so guess who is not going to pass the test again?

I am feeling empty, alone and to be fair, I think I just hit rock bottom. I am not able to keep going forward anymore. I am never good enough and I will never be.

I am trying to figure out how I am going to put an end to this. But you know, some people deserve to stay broken and that’s my destiny.

I dont deserve love, respect or the capacity of being happy.

So hello long time no see.

It’s been 1 year and 6 months.

I had been doing fine, actually, I think I almost, just like almost felt happy. Can you believe it? Me neither.

But since I am a complete failure, obviously I would relapse again. I am feeling so much anxiety, the thoughts of suicide are back again, today I hit myself in the face so many times and I just couldn’t believe that I am returning to my old habits, I am losing control of my anger all over again.

I really thought I could win this battle against my mental health, but oh boy was I wrong.

I am a few days from turning 25, and feeling like I am 17 all over again. I am on medication again and going to therapy but I am just tired of this shit.

Please let me be free

Hi everyone, serious question. Do you guys feel like when you are finally getting back on track, something happens so you go back to the place you started?

This keep happening to me, so I would like to know if you guys go through this and what do you do to keep moving forward, because I am seriously almost giving up

Hello everyone. I relapsed and I am ashamed of it. I ended up walking alone at night and had this urge to just run away. Do you guys also have this feeling that you don’t which place is the right one for you? So you just want to run as fast as you could until you can’t feel your legs anymore?

I really lost touch with myself this last year, which was one of the hardest ones in my life. I am looking for myself and my purpose but sometimes it seems like I’ll never find it unless I run away to this unknown place

Hello everyone

The last 6 months of my life were the hardest. I felt more numb than never. I tried so damn hard to not hate myself. I tried to like this body that I live in but I just can’t. I hate every little inch of this skin that I live in and I just can’t pretend anymore to like this horrible body that I am trapped in. I just hate breathing. I just hate waking up and seeing that I have one more fucking day of life. I am gonna pretend that I don’t exist. This life doesn’t mean shit. I don’t exist.

Hi Everyone, I am cutting again

I was 3 months free (I know, huge deal), but I lost control this month. After opening my heart for someone after 6 years of fear and loneliness, the same thing happened, they rejected me.

I am the problem. I get it now.

I am mixing some meds and cutting my thighs, breasts and some random parts of my body that I’ve never cut before. My cuts keep me company, they remind me I am still alive, and they also fill the emptiness inside of me.

It’s the end of summer here, so it’s hot, which sucks, but fall is coming and I’ll be able to wear my pants and long sleeves again. Looking forward to that.

Hello everyone, long time no see

Yeah, I am still here. I’ve been doing a psychiatric treatment for approximately 6 months. Still feeling empty, still depressed, sick of people, and my birthday is this week, which reminds me how much I hate still being alive.

Today was the first time I self harmed since March. I was making good progress, but life sucks and so do I. My scars are my friends so they are keeping me company.

I just feel like shit. I am invisible. Everyone would be better off without me. I just wish I could end everything.

So today was the day that I was looking forward to. I was going to bake some cookies, have a nice Bbq ribs for dinner, do 3 diys that I wanted to do for the longest time, and some other stuff.

I had an horrible month, and I was expecting this day to be perfect, because I studied so hard these last weeks for some exams, and since they ended this morning, I deserved a little reward, right?

Everyday something bad happens to me. I am not even kidding. But I thought today was gonna be the greatest day I could have. And I woke up with a feeling that this was going to work. It had to, because I am tired of trying.

But this afternoon someone stole my pencil case at uni. And that seems so stupid, so childish, and so irrelevant. But that hit me so hard.

Everyday is a struggle, I do my best and everything falls apart, but today was going to be my special happy day, and it got ruined over a stupid pencil case.

I really take care of my stuff, it was a special pencil case because there was a little gold medal that I bought from Italy inside of it.

I have BPD, and the fact that it went missing just triggered me so hard. I spent my entire day at bed, I didn’t do anything besides cutting, I cried so hard, because I wanted this day to be perfect, and it ended up being just as bad as the others.

It seems like I don’t deserve a happy good day, you know?