Hi again everyone, never thought I would write this title
I really thought I’ve found the love of my life almost 3 years ago, we were going to get married in 6 months, then he suddenly told me that he didn’t love me anymore 2 weeks ago, that I wasn’t his best friend and that he cheated on me with this girl from work. He told me horrible thing and treated me so badly, now he tells me that he loves her and they are together.
I cant Express the hurt I am feeling, I am not able to wish this on anyone. Today he told me that my depression was part of the reason we broke up, because it put a lot of pressure on him. I am broken in so many ways, I started self harming again, smoking again and feeling this urge to end everything.
I really thought I had someone who loved me for who I am. But well, guess who is not worthy of love? Me. I was really dumb thinking that I could have a family, you know?
I spent a lot of money with the wedding, and now all my plans are gone. I spent a lot of time preparing things instead of studying for my medical residency exam, so guess who is not going to pass the test again?
I am feeling empty, alone and to be fair, I think I just hit rock bottom. I am not able to keep going forward anymore. I am never good enough and I will never be.
I am trying to figure out how I am going to put an end to this. But you know, some people deserve to stay broken and that’s my destiny.
I dont deserve love, respect or the capacity of being happy.