Death would be the nicest thing would happen to me now. No one deserves to be transgender, poor, have a black skin and live in this hell called as Brazil. And I also may have cancer. Life has no sense and I hate it.
PurpleCrystal
Sometimes I feel the most alone person in the world. No friends and no one who cares about me. My mother is a fanatic religious who doesn’t accept me as a woman and keeps insisting on treating me a way a hate. She knows I hate it and that makes me feel even more sad, but she doesn’t care. She won’t chance because of her imaginary friend. I tried so hard to be well this year, to feel better, but I keep walking in circles, always ending where I began. Last week I felt that wish to cut myself again after one year and I’m […]
Two years ago I began to face the worst of my depression and I had to deal with it by myself and with no support from anyone because everybody seemed to think a simple psychological treatment would be enough to all my problems. During these last two years I wished to die everyday because everything in my life went wrong and I can’t even get a job because no companies in Brazil want to hire a transgender person. I’m feeling better now, but I don’t know for how long.
Some of you should have seen news about political situation of Brazil. The candidate supported by the majority […]
I wish I could go back in time and change a small detail in my life that would change everything. It would be great to grow up and not feeling useless. Maybe I would lived a true childhood and be less cold blooded. Maybe my parents would give me more attention than fighting all the time. Maybe my father wouldn’t humiliated me. Maybe I would be a better person that would be able to be someone useful than only eating and sleeping. Maybe I would never think about to die. All I feel able to do is to cry because I know I’ll never have […]
I wish I could have enough courage to die. I already wrote my suicide note and I look at it everyday asking myself when I can finally publish it and just rest to never wake up on this body again. I’m so tired that sometimes is really hard to think about anything clearly. I can’t read a book anymore because I always forget what I read. When I play games I get angry so easily because I can’t be concentrated enough on what is happening and I say the game is trash even if it’s not.
I’m unemployed for the last three years and I depend […]
See the world through a window. A world that I spend a good time imaginating myself there, being one of its inhabitants, pretending how things could be better, not necessarily perfect, just a place where I could be happy, but it’s a world that I don’t belong, distant, impossible to be reached, and just because a damnful detail that prohibits me to belong to it. I’m just part of the scum, a mistake, an anomaly that is always iluded trying to be equal but knows that never will be, no matter how many times I try. Sometimes I get an acceptance, a false acceptance, just […]
She was a woman that was exhausted of everything. Her pain had consumed her inside and was killing her day after day. What was supportable, at some point wasn’t anymore. What gave her strength, at some point didn’t give anymore. There was a moment that she realized that no matter how she tryed to run away from her problem, run away from herself, she couldn’t deny the fact that she hated so much, because the memories from her past were tormenting her, and no matter how she wanted to forget all of that, more the memories were showing up in her mind, as if she […]
I hate
I hate who I am
I hate my black skin
I hate my curly hair
I hate being tall
I hate what I have between my legs
I hate being transgender
I hate not being normal
I hate not being able to be good enough to have friends
I hate the town where I live
I hate being brazilian
I hate my life
But I would love…
To be dead