i just realized that i stayed up the whole night drinking and doing nothing. its 7 AM. and i’m quite drunk. is this bad? I’m usually pretty good about my alcohol consumption.
yes the world may be depressing and cruel.
yes people suck and will let you down, disappoint you, anger you, sadden you, and hurt you.
yes your own brain can become addicted to harmful substances and becomes astonishingly susceptible toÂ psychological diseases that shorten your lifespan and ruin your body.
but thank God for the internet. where i can buy, look up, read, research, watch and communicate with just about anything at the click of a button.
thank you God for giving me the chance to live in the 21st century. also thank you for booze (thats been around for BILLIONS of years).
everything seems either boring or annoying. theres very little that i like anymore (including people). every chance i get i drown myself in booze. God, I’m bored.
sometimes i feel like ripping out my brain. or wrenching out my stomach. pulling my fingernails out. twisting off my arm. biting my tongue off. crushing my eyes. collapsing my heart…
and a million dollars.
your days starts at 6pm one day and ends 6pm the next.
how are you spending your last day?
i have to get a good job
so i can gather up enough money to
buy Â a sizable plot of land
with a house on it–it’ll be
my oasis–away from everybody else
whenever i need it–it’ll be
my sanctuary–my refuge. i have to stay
alive until then–then i’ll know i’ve made it.
then i can rest.
dear god! why do i have to be around
them? they’re everywhere, always! fucking
annoying creatures.what when, such what thing,
such manner of beings, nowhere else found–
truly unique, one of a kind, a kind
of disease–a virus–spreading–dreading
to be around them in any setting.
the weak, the stupid. not a single mind
worth paying mentioning. please. help me.
be special. romantic. beautifully.
is there anything left to do? am i
to go to school–to get a job–to work
for what? to make money? to enlighten my
ever-depleting light of life? you tell me to wait
and to hold on–that the answers will come
soon, that all will be made sense. what the hell
kind of answer is that?! am i to take the smiles
in strides? to watch my peers pass merrily by
the bygones ive already readied. to read when im
dead–when the beatless heart steadies. it’ll happen
some day i don’t know when. when in my grave
when im dead, words spoken by a “friend”.
these days all i look forward too is just another drink.
every weekend i wait and hope–to fill my cup and sink
into a pool of endless drift. for that bitter sweet taste of alcohol
to blur my woes away. to leave me numb, no matter how far i fall;
whether broken bones or broken feelings, i rarely give a damn.
as long as i have a cup it’ll erase all i call “i am”.
give me vodka, give me whiskey–even cheap wine will do!
as long as it’s not beer– i hate the smell, the taste too.
i wish there was an ocean–an island for me to strand
myself with no one else–maybe a loved one–on a tiny piece of land
surrounded by alcohol, to blur and fill my dreams.
but till then, ‘stead of waves to hear; all i’ll hear are silent screams.
The world is better topsy-turvy.
i usually make myself a drink or smoke before i go to sleep but tonight im out of everything.
i can’t get high and i can’t get drunk and i can’t fall asleep.
all i want to do is feel like im drifting but i can’t and i don’t like that i can’t.
i hate being sober sometimes.
i get the best sleep when i’m not.
im not an addict. i keep my shit together. i have a good job and i go to school.
i just don’t want to feel like me at night.
is that so much to ask? 🙁
if it can be safely assumed that there are about 1 quadrillion ants on
earth and roughly 7 billion humans then that means that theres a 7/1 million
chance that you are a human and not an ant. And thats just ants…
Too frunk to dunction.
Ernest Hemingway came up with the challenge and a pretty sad one to start it off (“For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn”). use any punctuations you want for your stories but only 6 words. no more no less. lets see what we can come up with! I’ll start:
The spaceships rose. Their hearts sank.
in the dark
staring at a tv
getting high and drunk.
i guess this is it…
i think theres something up with me. it takes me forever to fall asleep (if i do). smoking doesnt do anything and i dont want to have to drink myself to sleep every night. i have no appetite despite my growling stomach. i know i need to eat and thats really the only reason i eat now, because i know i have to. i have no desire to do anything or be around anyone or talk with anyone lately and most of the time i wish everyone would leave me alone for a while. everything seems monotonous. everything seems banal. all i want to do is space out…
i was watching a bunch of science videos today on youtube (theyre damn entertaining). i learned that the radius of the universe is 14 gigaparsecs wide. 1 gigaparsec is 3.3 billion light years. 1 light year is 5.88×10^12 miles. 93 billion light years across. thats a ludicrous amount of space and its all full of mostly nothing. the earth is just a small rock floating in all this nothing.
to compare; there are over 1 trillion bacteria on the skin of an average human. these bacteria are about 2×10^-6 meters long. a 6 foot human is 1.83 meters. that means that we humans are almost a million times bigger than these bacteria and yet most people dont care about them, feel them, or even think about them on a daily basis. theyre so small that we can’t even see them! and we’re like a million times larger than them! they die and multiply thousands of times a day and no one pays them any mind! theyre on us and they live and die!
if these bacteria are so insignificant to us, being only 0.000001 our size, if they’re so small as to might as well not exist, what does that say about us? how do 1.83 meters compare to something a light year across? something a parsec across? a gigaparsec? how do 1.83 compare toÂ 879,847,933,950,014,400,000,000,000? in the grand scheme of things, what does anything we do on this floating rock matter? we live. within a few decades we die. more people live. more people die. people get forgotten. actions get forgotten. eventually the earth will die and so will the sun and then a few billion years later our galaxy will get erased by a black hole and then we’ll just be another empty space in the dark.
and you think you’re important? that you matter?
ive been able to hide it pretty well.
tonight though the blotters were just too enticing.
captain morgan was just begging for some lip service.
i didnt smoke. Save Mary! ive got the will power not to!
i hadnt cut myself since i was in high school.
i tried using a dull multi-tool.
the razors gleamed in my mind; where were they?
theyre a little rusty–then again so am i.
my left arm and shoulder are all puffy from the crappy multi-“tool”.
the razors skim across my skin like an ice skater.
i can see my skin finally breathing as i cut across my chest.
it just needed fresh air–oxidation–which the razors provided perfectly.
i couldnt feel the pain but the feeling against my skin made me happy.
then again everything makes me happy.
im just a happy person :D.