I feel like I have this song stuck in my head and on repeat everyday I wake up.
That’s the last thing my best friend said to me it wasn’t his fault i pushed him away and said a lot of fucked up shit to do it. He said that out of anger and i know deep down he didn’t mean it, so why do i have that repeating in my head every time i wake up? Time passes and I can’t help but think shit it must be true.
Told my parents I’m gay and they already fucking knew, They were casual about it, I don’t know if this is real, someone please wake me up. All my life everything has gone to shit and this went to well and it’s freaking me the fuck out, but I’m happier then I have been in a long time.
Nervous like a ************, Waiting on my sister and mom to come home before I come out of this dusty closet this will either be the best day or my life or one of the worst either way I know I won’t regret this no matter the result. Will Update I just hope I don’t chicken out during the last second.
I’m planning to tell everyone that I’m gay tomorrow I have faith in my parents just not everyone else in the family. So I’m going to let the shit show play out when word gets out and my family freaks I just hope I don’t back out at the last moment. Just wanted to get this off my chest, Thank you whoever read this.
When the lights shut off
And it’s my turn to settle down
My main concern
Promise that you will sing about me
Promise that you will sing about me
Thought tonight was the night.
My last post I thought I was crazy because I was hearing shit, but I went to the doctor and it turns out I’m just very sleep deprived and stressed as fuck so that’s good. And since I was feeling good and confident today I decided to finally come out over twitter I’m scared as fuck, but hopefully everything goes well fingers crossed. Oh and also thanks to Hazy Day Sunflower for giving me advice I really appreciate it.
I haven’t posted in a while and I don’t respond to shit so I’d understand if everyone just waves this off. I’ve been hearing voices for a while now first I thought it was me just being stupid and it wasn’t constantly so I ignored it. I thought it was my subconscious for a while but then it got worse and I keep getting sharp headaches which follows by the voices. I still don’t know if it’s me just acting stupid or if this is genuine, but they keep getting worse and worse telling me to kill myself or to hurt others. I use to cut a lot and I’ve started again because it seems like the only way to stop the thoughts of hurting other. It happens a lot in public and I just usually just put earphones on and blast music or just scribble the thoughts on a notebook and blackout on what’s happening around me. What got me today was when I saw a homeless man talking to himself and I had like a panic or anxiety attack thinking ‘Oh fuck is that how my future looks like’ nobody knows this or maybe they just ignore me, but i feel like constant shit. If you read this thanks for listening to my ramblings. plz I don’t know what the fuck to do.
I tried to kill myself(via shitload of pills) yesterday and it just feels so weird ending up waking up and having to get ready for school and have a normal day. I knew my life was fake, but today I suddenly understood why. Is this my life now?
I’m gay, this is the first time I’ve said it to others. I’m to scared of living with myself if I come out because of the people around me, but I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have people I care about and people I love, but I don’t want to put them in this situation of having to deal with my gay ass. I have a gay friend I like but she’s the definition of a hoe, but she has her moments. Then I have a straight friend that just leaves me breathless every time she speaks. I want to just be me but, nobody wants to go out with someone covered in scars and has shitload of problems nobody knows about. Then their is my unpredictable catholic parents that I love but might just get rid of me if I tell the world. I know life isn’t easy, but fuck nobody told me I’d have to deal with this bullshit and balance those problems out with my already established anxiety, Insomnia, and appearance issues.
BRB my conscious is going to murder me right now.
Always laughing, Always dying
Always living, Always crying
Always helping, Always running
Always surrounded, Always lonely
Always doing, Always tired
Always happy, Always cutting
It’s always tiring separating the person you are to the person you pretend to be.
I’ve been feeling like shit lately, turns out holidays and depression isn’t a good combination.Today was shittier than most, just one of those days you know? My parents know about my depression so they got me antidepressant and a roster of other goodies to turn those frowns around. Did you know if you take a lot all at once you feel shittier because they aren’t working and they just sort of numb you but it’s more depressing because you have to realize the only way to handle pain is popping useless pills. So then you grab a razor or a gun and you hold it to your head or wrist and just stay at a stand still and think is today that day? So I’m at a stand still with the typical dilemma on the interweb site. Is today that day?
Does anyone just hate the holidays? I spend so much time distracting myself with bs at school but when I’m given this much time off I’m left with nothing to do except think