Yesterday was different. I took the knife and just started cutting myself. I didn´t even realize I was going to do it. Usually to cut I have to be pretty messed up, but for some reason last night I was somewhat normal according to my standards. Still the need to cut overpowered my senses without my notice. I am afraid that it is going to happen again and again, until the moment there is nothing for me to cut or I am finally dead. To be honest, by brain is telling me that it is not normal, I shouldn´t even think about it nevertheless […]
RedWine93
I haven´t written here for a long time. When found this site I was really messed up. I didn´t know what to do with my life. I still don´t know. I like to think that my depression doesn´t rule my life. That I can control it but sometimes I still fail. I have made peace with it. Atleast I hope so.
Tomorrow is my 18-th birthday. A few years back I was sure that my 17- th would be my last. Thankful it wasn´t. I lived to fight another year with my inner darkness. This year has thought me a lot. […]
Darkness within,
Heart of cold.
Stars don’t shine anymore.
Moonless night
Sky so dark.
Hope gone,
Nothing lefth,
only pain, sorrow and hurt.
It is so dark in here.
I feel so alone here,
nobody else can make it go away, only me.
My arms are full of failed attempts.
Blood and scars are my only companions.
They know the real me inside out.
They see me everywhere.
I know only hurt.
Smiling seems so fake,
and I don’t fake.
Sadness is my only friend,
from now to forever.
Why does it always has to come back. For a while I was so called happy. I didn´t want to hurt myself, but now the feelings and desires are back. And I hate it. I don´t want to be like this. I even got a boyfriend, and he loves me I think. In the beggining I thought the same, I felt like i had finally found somebody I was ment to be with, But now I don´t know. Maybe I am just ment to be loved and love in return. Maybe I life is not for me. Why do I have to taint everything and […]
I made a promise to myself a long time ago, that on the day I get seventeen, I will kill myself. But sadly I can´t do it. I have nohting to live for. I have no friends I can trust, my family doesn´t care about me. And the persons that act sometimes like my friends don´t even talk to me anymore because were put in different classes. But why to I cling to this life?Why? I can´t even cut myself, i just make tiny scares that i can only see.
It is my birthday and nobody has wished me happy birthday. If only could […]
My life is going downhill now. I had my grades and now they are slipping. I don´t feel like myself anymore.I am just a shell. I hurt everyone who care about me. And i don´t know anything anymore. A year back i made a desicon to kill myself on the day i get seventeen. My birthday is only three months away. And i am going crazy because i don´t want to die but i don´t have the strenght to fight anymore. And i don´t want to do it anyway. Yesterday was mothersday and i went crazy to my arm, i got it a little. Most […]
I don´t know why am i writing her. I don´t feel sad or happy, just numb. Like everything is so far from me and even if I try to reach for something everything disappears. Incloding me with it. I don´t understand whats wrong with me? Why do i feel nothing?
In school i don´t let people see me depressed anymore, because they don´t understand whats wrong with me. I don´t want anyone to laugh at me and talk about me behind my back anymore. so to stop it i act crazy, laugh and make silly jokes. They say i am crazy and act like an […]
I thought that everything will be good for me, but they had to destroy it. Why do I have to come up again after they push me down? Why? I´m so tired of fighting the fight I will never winn. Maybe my lifes goal is to suffer every day life. Who knows? Maybe life is not for me, maybe my goal is to become just a memory of a girl who had a bright future ahead. The people i trust don´t even care about me.
I try to be a happy person infront of the people who push me down ,but I am so tired […]
Hi,. I am sixteen and i am tired of trying to be somebody i haven´t been for a long time.
I am good student at school, i get good grades mostly, don´t blame teachers mostly when i get a bad grade. My classmates think that because of that i have nothing to be worried about but that isn´t true. I want to kill myself and i have wanted to do it for a long time. I have told some of my classmates about it but some of them tell me that there are people who are in worse condisions then i am and when the […]