I have some suicidal thoughts now
We shouldn’t even exist
Some people and my relatives are functionally stupid, I can’t believe I’m part of this “family” but I admit I’m stupid too but in my own unique way.
30 years old, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never had my own house, car, money, job, still living with my mother and grandmother, they don’t understand me, make my life hard, I take these antipsychotics for more than 10 years, all this time I’ve been suffering so much, I can’t connect with anybody, my neighbors suck. As a child and teenager life had ups and downs. I have problems because of these pills but doctors can’t help me. My father lives on a different street from the same neighborhood, he has his own problems. Both of my grandfathers are dead.
I feel like I have a blockage, I feel like a prisoner, like I can’t escape, like I can’t keep evolving, I feel stuck. Feeling like I can’t take it anymore.
I wish I meet people who resemble me, who can understand me, who share my point of view or ideas, and together we try to achieve some things.
I can’t stop thinking about death. Maybe I would stop if I would find something nice to do, to feel good and to do some nice things that would take my death thought away. I don’t know exactly what things I should do that would make me feel better.
I don’t see why should I keep living and I think I might kill myself soon.
I kinda wanted to die because I wanted to escape this lifes problems but I don’t think that death will bring me the relief I want. I think that suffering might be present even after death because I might exist in a different way. I think there is another realm after death, I wish there was nothing because I want to die and that’s it.
Who can say that it understands this life, this world? Send me to him or her if you know someone
I’m bored and tired of my life
Imo the problem is not dying physically but dying inside, your soul must live or you feel empty
I don’t really have someone who I can speak for days about me, my situation, the way I see everything, someone who can truly understand all these things.
What do you think about these riots in the USA?
Ain’t no love in the heart of the city
Ain’t no love in the heart of town
A good song is My recovery by James Arthur
I began my journey pure as light, a kid with sparkle in my eyes who didn’t know what fault was, looking for love and respect and as I didn’t know how to hit life, it hit me first, and I found out that it’s not that bad to not be humane, to be more humane is a crime and like that a drop of darkness fell in my essence because others didn’t give a shit on my decency and then I said there’s no more room for anything holly in this world, we loose ourselves between needles, smokes and jokes made on weaker people, we are born healthy and trying to heal ourselves we become sick. You see life is a street poorly lighted, full of pits, full of buildings ready to fall guess on who, full of fires ready to burn anyone, full of eyes ready to see any weakness, full of fools still waiting the answers to their prayers, and as for me anything that moves, doesn’t move me, only hate bites me from time to time making me shout hooray, and today I’m gonna sell myself and otherwise the same dust in another wind and I’m not the same person and I don’t know who I am anymore
Some lyrics translated from a romanian song called Spune-mi by Veritasaga
If I’ll get the Corona virus it may kill me