Once again that one person deleted all but one of the accounts which were connected to me. The last account has me blocked, and all without even one reason why.
It’s always happened, i’ve only had one true friend once, at this time last year. The first few times this happened i didn’t care much, it didn’t hurt. The second time it was hell. I cared because i thought i had lost my one true friend, i thought i had found them at last. But then i realized i was wrong. That that entire thing was horrible and not even close to friendship, so i healed myself. I even learned to love myself, but i was still looking for you, my one true friend.
And after all of that, after that wonderful, mutually caring, trusting and respectful friendship we had…you did the same. This time even saying “it is hell” is putting it very mildly. This time i already know with full certainty that positivity will do nothing good for me. Because even if i had been wrong, even if i could even remotely hope to find that one true friend, if it wasn’t already you, i could only expect the very same ending. I didn’t expect this ending with you at all, yet it happened, so can you imagine me going through all of this again and again? I know, no one cares about me so yeah…but i can’t. I cannot suffer this life eternally.
I guess i have lost the little love i had for my being. I know i should forgive us both, but the pain is too profound. So here i am, dealing with trying to heal his possibly terminal illness while also wanting that illness to be mine instead and trying to find ways to hasten my death. I was an idiot to throw out my suicide methods because of you. I’m sorry. And happy birthday, i truly hope it was happy.